"I wish I was wrong"

I m certain that if not all, many of us might at some point or other times, long and pleadingly wish that what we feel and fear about another person  and his or her character is not true and are misplaced.

How would it be if we are proved wrong and it is revealed that our judgment about the person was wrong, mercifully? Would not such a state be like the air jetting out from an inflated balloon? And in some other case the reality when it dawns, or say revealed will be very hurting within us.

On the contrary how would it be if our opinion or judgment of the person is proved to be true and correct? It can sometimes be a vindication that would give us comfort. And can also be the revelations of the feared judgment come true.

Which one of these situations would we like to be?

If it is the former well then we might have to spend some time introspecting ourselves and ruing our hasty and ill conceived or unwise judgment. Nevertheless if this is the case we still have time and opportunity to make amends with the victim of our intemperate judgment, and move on in life. There cannot be anything piquant and bad about a situation where we may have to retract and confess an apology. The word ‘sorry’ has the power to soothe feelings, hurt ego and pride. And I presume, being in the wrong by ourselves in judging some one and not letting our conceited mind accept its mistake is more wrong on our part.

The later situation of us being vindicated is a comforting state. Because we may have before hand done the needful to confront such an eventuality..

But how I wish at times, that it turns out that I judged wrong!

64 Years After the Birth Pangs

I came back with C a little while ago from Ootty, to where we went on Friday last. We were in fact guests there of a couple close to us. And all of us together spent the week end at the Club Mahindra resort in Ootty.

Ideally was not a right time to wage with a free mind in leisurely activities. But we went because we decided that we needed a break from the quagmire, and to heedfully engage with some friends.

The Resort management announced yesterday evening that they planned to commemorate the I- day at 8 this morning. Though I as usual was up at 6, cared more to stay indoors and watch the prime minister at the Red Fort. I dislike rituals for ritual sake. C went out to join the motley group of weekenders at the hoisting of the national flag on the forecourt of the hotel.

I watched on TV the prime minister speak, and the various elite assembled .Faces that one would wish was not seen in public life in our country, and dignitaries who were only present in body so as to take care of the niceties of diplomatic necessities were being picked up on and on by the camera.At the end of his speech and the customary 'jai hind',the national anthem was played. And honestly I could not help my eyes moisten as it always does when the anthem is played.

I dislike and feel mocked at when I start receiving SMSs with conspicuous Independence Day wishes and congratulations. That ritual began soon enough. I love my country; Bharath mahan; Swatantriya dhina ashamsakal; Bhartah matha ki jai; the wishes were quite a few. I do not wish to deprecate the peoples intend and the mind that triggered those messages. But in general, (that counts me as well), Indians are quite adept at rituals and observing certain commemorations in letter but not in spirit. Come August 15 th we go flag-waving with patriotic fervour and by late evening on the day we forget and move on as things did not matter.

Come August 15 th we see and hear words and eloquence in praise of the motherland, and showering   encomiums on her and vaunt where we stand amongst the comity of nations. We recall the historical facts that are truly audacious and unique to India as a land of achievements in science, sociology, jurisprudence, medicine, mathematics and philosophy. The distinctly enviable status India held because of the true spirit, sacrifice, insatiable urge for knowledge and far sighted vision our fore fathers displayed centuries ago , and the glorious and magnificent intellectual and spiritual tradition of the great land are flaunted and reminded  by all and sundry. We beat our chest and yell “vande mataram” .Our hyperbole for all that was and that are because of all that our forefathers and ancestors were!

But should we not reflect, go inward and introspect what we have done, what we have given to the land we remember once a year and yet utter the salutation “vande mataram”? Do we deserve the privilege and honour to be the inheritors of heirlooms as rich and envious in tradition and culture? Do we rightfully deserve by merit of our deeds to have been born in India and thereby be known as Indians? Are we not lauding and enjoying the respect we have because what our fore fathers where?

In every country and society that have suffered the despicability of negation and war when we reach out as an Indian we are welcomed as being from the land of Mahatma, and the land that offered to the world treatise of spiritual and philosophical excellence. If an Indian go to the land of strife, Israel, he will be identified as from a country that gave safe haven for the perennially persecuted Jews of the early millennium,( the only land in the world that the Jews where free and secure was in Kerala).The learned in any Muslim country in the Middle East will recall that it was in India that the first Muslim Mosque was built not after strife, but from the munificence of the culture of the land that welcomed and imbibed foreign traditions and people,( the Cheraman Mosque in Kodungalloor , Kerala).These are just a few examples.

The introspection will have to go deeper. We who call this land our mother have raped and pillaged her out of avarice. We have dispossessed her children. If that is untrue how could we explain the threatening sphere of the Maoist actions that have now even by official acknowledgement encompassed one third of the country? The dispossessed are standing up and in a violent virulent way. A recent NGO/UN and very impartial study has identified states like Bihar and Orissa as poorer than the worst in Sub Saharan Africa. This is sixty four years after shedding what we call yoke of imperialism. India shining indeed! With the well camouflaged slight we have mauled nature and the people in many parts of this land. The Narmada Sarovar is just one of the glaring examples. We have created everlasting and festering communal divide by concocting a false alibi for/of the birth place of a mythical Hindu King and destroyed a place of worship of the Muslims. This we did while we let go hundreds of ancient Siva temples in the valley of Narmada go under water with the environmental and social consequence of the Narmada dam.

India, as per UN studies have a third of the worlds poorest. India ranks 134 in the list of 182 countries in Human development index. India’s child mortality rate is worse than Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. India accounts for one fifth of all new born deaths. Potable water is still a distant dream both in the rural areas and even in many cities. Remember, this is after almost two decades of admirable economic growth. Not surprisingly these figures are not same within all India. Regional, social disparities are high among tribal, economically neglected and communally minor segments. Even by official estimate more than twenty million female foeticide and infanticide have happened in India over the past two decades. What kinds of freedom will these neglected and marginalised sections which account for forty percent of the population see to celebrate and revel? Our position has gone down to 85 from 72 in the corruption and integrity list index.

I have touched only the few of the basics that will tell the greatness of a nation. True we have sent space craft’s to the moon, have stock pile of nuclear arsenal, express motorways and sky scrapers have dotted our cities and sky line. We have Industrial and business houses that have consistently been entrenched in ethics and principles, and business men who have used and manipulated the system to reach the top of the world.

But as Rabindarnath Tagore wrote in Gitanjali

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up
into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason
has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by.... Into ever-widening thought and action---
Into that heaven of freedom ... let my country......

Can we on this 64 th Independence Day truthfully say that we have realised or we are striving towards the realisation of the dreams contained in the above verse? Can we truthfully say that we   rightfully can claim to the rich past of this land?

If we truthfully can say “ye”, yes then we shall celebrate the Independence from imperialism.

The Words

During the trip to South Africa I was immensely fortunate to visit the house ( now museum) of Nelson Mandela in the SOWETO.

And I bought a book,”In the words of Nelson Mandel”.

Some of the gems from that book are given here under.

"I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom comes responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended."

On Gandhi

"India  you sent us a barrister and we gave you back a 'Mahatma' ".

On Abortion

 “Women have the right to decide what they want to do with their bodies”.

On Africa

 "We cannot abuse the concept of national sovereignty to deny the rest of the Continent the right and duty to intervene when, behind those sovereign boundaries , people are being slaughtered to protect tyranny”.

 On being an African

“All of us descendants of Africa , know only too well that racism demeans the victims and dehumanizes the perpetrators”.

On Age

“What nature has decreed should not generate undue insecurity”.

On Apartheid

“With the exception of the atrocities against the Jews during the World War II there is no evil that has been condemned by the entire world, as apartheid”

On Children

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children”.

On the Death sentence

“The death sentence is a reflection of the animal instinct still in human beings”.

On Determination

“As long as you have iron will you  can turn misfortune into advantage”.

 On Enemies

“I wanted South Africa to see that I loved even my enemies while I hated the system that turned us against one another”.

On His Family

“I did not in the beginning choose to place my people above my family, but in attempting to do so, I found I was prevented from fulfilling my obligations as a son, a brother, a father and a husband”.

On Freedom

“Only free men can negotiate”.

On Health

“The wounds that cannot be seen are more painful than those that can be treated by a doctor”.

On Himself

“I was made by the law, a criminal, not because of what I had done, but  because of what I stood for, because of what I thought, because of my conscience”.

On Home

“I long to see the little stones on which I played as a child, the little rivers, where I swam- but I m now stationed in ….”

On Marriage

“The whole purpose of a husband and wife is that when hard times knock at the door you should be able to embrace each other”.

At His Parents Grave

“These graves mean a great deal to me, because my beloved parents are here and it arouses a great deal of emotion in me because a part of me lies buried here”.

On People

“It is the growth of character that we should learn from both pleasant and unpleasant experiences”

On General Colin Powell

“I won’t wash this hand you have shaken”.

On his retirement

“I must step down while there are one or two people who will admire me”.

On self respect

“If you are in harmony with yourself , you may meet a ion without fear, because he respects anyone with self- confidence”

"Time out"

He was a gregarious fellow. Warmth was his discerning attribute. Sprightliness was his greatest quality that without any pause would connect and engulf anybody and everybody who were known to be proximal to him. He was short, 5’3, bearded and slightly dark complexioned. The pair of eyes he possessed would rove around the court keener than radar, and were bright like marbles. His vocal sound was less heard because of the ubiquitous whistle he had on his lips like a cigar. He was nimble footed on the court than the most proficient ballerina. In fact he was agile, swifter, dancing and prancing than any one of us .And he was 45 years of age.

He lived single. None of us thought of asking him if he were married or ever was, because he never was seen in loneliness and feel. One of us quipped once that his nature was so because he chose to not to mutter “I do” and be sacrificed at the altar!

He was on the basket ball court at 6 in the morning and that seemed to be a definite happening than the sun coming up in the east. The morning session of basket ball coaching used to extend till 8.30 when he blows his whistle longer and louder to tell us its “time out”. He was again back on the court at 4 in the afternoon to carry on with his basket ball coaching till sundown and sometimes even with the lights on till later into the dusk.

Once during a session we boys were divided into two groups of six and had to play amongst us, as a prelude to the selection process for the district team .He chose to play himself in one of the groups . And goodness me, he was prancing like a gazelle defter than us in our teens. The amazing and hilarious part was him climbing over the tallest guy, 6’3 and shove the ball into the basket. With his height he could never reach the stars, was the general comment we used to make. But his ingenuity was pretty good, and he had an alternate in mind for every situation where he was handicapped, and to any one of us inhibiting.

He had this unforgettable quality of sharing and giving. That he mentored a couple of kids from penurious background with whatever was necessary for their food, clothing and education. He loved each one of us, cracked sizzling jokes, played pranks which would perhaps be dearer in living rooms at our homes. Some people make meaning and sense for the planet to go around and for the world to move on with hope. And he was one such!

*********************************************************************************

A quarter century went by and it was during the college reunion that we heard about him in sick bed. We understood that he continued his basket ball coaching all those years. The routine was maintained without fail. And the brake was natural when he took ill and was bed ridden.

 We went with flowers and “get well soon” cards to see him in his hospital. One of the guys remembered to carry a silver plated whistle with engraving, “to sir with love”.

He was emaciated from the illness. He still sported the beard which surprisingly had not fully turned white. His eager shining eyes seemed to be reliving the past days on the basket ball court. He smiled and held out his hand to each one of us. His eyes did display the agonizing pain he lived with. He could barely speak. And fatigue overtook his small attempts to speak.His eyes told us that he wanted to be on court with us.

With the childish glint in the eyes and with  trembling hands, he accepted the whistle from us.He smiled, his pale face showed signs of times from the past.He  held the whistle tight in his fist and muttered “TIME OUT”. We noticed his eyes wander and  head fall back slightly to the side on the pillow – he passed away. 

In God's name

Those of us who have seen the cover of the Time magazine of the week will retract in horror at what man can inflict on his own kind. Let me recall the picture of the woman with a gaping hole where her nose was.   Mutilated, chopped off by the self proclaimed puritan Muslims of Afghanistan. Her crime, having born in a medieval society which is sliding faster into the black hole! The abhorrence of the act which will be displayed in her face as long as she is alive, pales into insignificance compared to the absolute silence of the Muslim intelligentsia all over the world who ostentatiously  swear by woman’s rights, and respect for the fairer sex, and quote the  holy text to that end.. It really is sheer nonsense and of no vain that the scholarly and erudite Muslims world over proclaim that such acts are un- Islamic. Does it really suffice and justify if we trumpet that we are against thieving while we stay mute to the very act of thieving? Such silence and tacit acquiescence is similar to the Hindus turning blind eye to the practise of self immolation on the funeral pyre -‘sati’.

I have been following   articles and stories in various magazines and The Hindu on the French ban on the burqa – the full facial veil for women. And there was a programme on the BBC wherein quite a few young Muslim men and women where speaking on the ban and allied topics. Ironically even many of those young and educated women on that show swore by their Islamic identity- fair enough,but  for which they considered the veil as synonym and indispensable. How would it be if Hindu women swear by their right to perform ‘sati’i and claim that if they are forbidden it is infringement on their inalienable religious rights? And also claim that performing sati is bringing out their religious identity and that it is display of piety etc? I do not now intent to dwell on the merits and otherwise of the French legislation against the facial veil. That is a different matter and prerogative of the law makers of that country.

People quote scriptures to suit their end. The devil does that often too.

And there are people every where who  condone and clamour for such archaic and antediluvian practises.

Why??

I was once at a dinner elsewhere with a German lady. She was client of mine, a divorcee and now in a live in relationship with a man who himself was divorced and living with his two children. I remember it was my birthday and C had called her a few times to tell her and also remind her that.

To give me a pleasant surprise she kept C’s call a secret of sorts and took me to a restaurant in the country side. I did not tell her about the birthday either. I was quite surprised when the cake with lit candles was brought to our table by the steward.

In course of the conversation and dinner she shot me the question, “how do you manage to live with the same person for long; see the same face both at the office and back at home,. isn’t it terribly monotonous, boring”? I could only smile and perhaps laugh the question away. But for her that was a pertinent question and wonder.

Did the strange habitation happen because I was born to Indian parents and was brought up and lived in this country? Definitely so! Though social cohabitation habits have changed and are also fast getting amended here as well. Virulent western life styles and culture besides assertion of women, perhaps may be the reasons for this change happening .

“When a man has more than one wife, the relationship is termed ‘polygamy’ and when a woman has more than one husband it is termed ‘polyandry’. But the habitation the German fruauline was perplexed about was not polygamy or polyandry but why a marriage does not breakdown  out of being ‘ill’ from seeing the same face and of long time, and long term proximity. And also either or both wandering off to different and newer pastures.

If I told her that boredom and contempt out of proximity, or even mutual necessity are not in vogue she will not believe my eloquence. I still wonder if I will ever find a logical answer to her question whereby she would be convinced and also understand, ‘why’?

Sunday noon

Very often when we do something with intent to comfort or assist someone, ironically we end up facing retribution and scorn. This curious natural law can be seen all across the spectrum of social life, trivial or substantial.

Our Samaria intent is taken for opportunism, selfishness, arrogance and impertinence. The intent is interpreted as malicious. The pain and or effort we put in, howsoever piddling  is not noticed let alone appreciated The only comfort to the victim in this case is to perhaps stick to the advice in the Gita

“karmanye vadhikarasthe,

ma bhaleshu kadhachan”'

But how many of us would like to sit back and apply the verses of the Gita in real life? We end up wishing that we never endeavoured on any act of Good Samaritanship.

Severe rejections of good intent are many if they were to be mentioned. So let me note a little incident that made me feel like an arsehole. Yesterday noon I was driving back from town. I was reaching a quite busy intersection. That was when I noticed this middle- aged , couple, and they were half way across the road. The man was pushing his motor cycle and his spouse was in tow. He could not go back as there were speeding vehicles on the side, behind. I spotted his predicament and braked my car and waited a few feet from those folks, so that they could move on and reach the safety of the kerb. The man suddenly developed a furious expression and started gesticulating at me. He waved his hand at directions to convey that there was enough space for my car to go and why the hell did I have to brake and want to panic him. And not let him cross the road. I waved my hand and tried to tell him that I braked and stopped so that he can get to the other side and not be stranded precariously in the middle where traffic is zooming unmindfully and dangerously. He did finally cross the road, but kept the expression of fury and indiganance.

I watched him reach the kerb and I moved on..