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“Who's been painting my roses red? WHO'S BEEN PAINTING MY ROSES RED? Who dares to taint with vulgar paint the royal flower bed?  For painting my roses red someone will lose his head.” Queen of Hearts, Alice I n Wonderland.

Expressions of opinion can invite fatwa, venomous retorts and one just need not have to paint the roses red. An opinion that the roses would enthrall if it were done red may suffice to send the head rolling.

I stumbled on a pretty trivial post on the Face Book shared by an fb friend. It was a statement by a nondescript but apparently haughty director in the Mallu tinsel world. The gentleman had proclaimed aloud that the Malayalam film industry must jettison the fascination to rope in actors from other states. He was specifically rubbishing an actor from Telugu, “Padma Priya”. Incidentally this young actor has to her credit a few films in Malayalm that manifested her talent and grace. I joined the comment bandwagon quite ordinarily and opined that “perhaps talent was a threat” and the actor was competent as she has showed in her films. There were indeed many comments for and against talent from outside the State.

Later in the day, I saw on the message box in the FB a curt message from the director who proclaimed his ridicule for the actor in question. He wrote in Malayalam that I must have shown the civility and culture attributed to an alumni of the Mar Ivanios college Thpuram. And that he too was the product of the college and why was I outraged when an mere actress was rubbished. I was absolutely at loss to understand the tirade of this guy who was a total stranger to me. I wrote back a sentence saying that “to me talent has to be respected irrespective of its origin and culture is to speak out and stand for what one feels is right and fearlessly too”. He did not cease with that but send another message. From there I ignored the nonsense than join issue.

The crux of the matter that is relevant here, though my comment was just like a lay person who expresses his opinion is, I sense that the gentleman was not just targeting women from outside State. Though it cannot be denied that his anguish was the outcome of  a prejudiced, discriminatory and parochial mindset . I also heard from my friends in the film world that this actor was of a different genre and has the gumption to stand up and fight out in a male dominated world where casting couches are still not antediluvian and not phased out. So that presumably may have made her persona non grata to some. Who said that a few seats in parliament when reserved for women would emancipate the sex?

I still cannot understand the diatribe and spat of venom I got for a harmless opinion on a subject of limited importance  on a supposedly benign social network.

An Uneasy Tenancy

Certain matters in social relationships and behiavour are quite delicate and calls for much etiquette based exercise. Timidity often restrains us from committing by word or deed matters that may be necessary. And audacity and arrogance may make us do what others see awkward.

I was moving into a new apartment and, the tenants who occupied the apartment were expatriates from Kerala and where in the Middle East for almost twenty five years. The gentleman was retiring from ‘Banque de Paribas’ and were going back home. The apartment owner assured that I can move in on the 1st of July and the Mallu couple also confirmed to me that they will fly back on the 30 th of June.

Then came a little shock, the tenants called me up on the phone and said that they may have to extend their stay till the 3 rd of July and would I mind to move in on the 3rd.That indeed put me in a little difficult position with my then owner to whom I gave notice of transfer by the 1 st of July. Timid as I felt about the issue of going back to the apartment owner and negotiating another extra week to clear off! I had to gather all diplomacy that was alien and braced for the unpleasant discussion with the apartment owner. All this while the man who was leasing me the new apartment played an intelligent game and told me that as far he was concerned, his agreement with the occupants lapsed and since he has the new contract with me and also because the tenants were Mallus it was my choice to let them stay or evict them. A real quandary!

The shocker was yet to come. The relentless  Mallus called me up and said that the flights back to India were flying full and tickets were available only by the 10^th July and could they stay till then. Another more outrageous suggestion followed -if I desire, they have no problem in I moving in there and all that they needed was just a room as all their utilities were shipped out. 

It reminded me of a socially satirical and relevant film in Malayalam in which the house owner had to forcibly move in and live in one room to hound out the boorish and heedless tenants. And he had to bore brickbats for the alleged connivance to free his own apartment from the recaltricant and audacious folks who put up in his house brushing aside his pleadings to move out. My predicament seemed not too dissimilar.I could not react and express. The thought of having to live, even if it were for a few days with total strangers seemed preposterous and unease. I asked if that would not be too hard on their privacy. To which the Mallu gentleman asserted that they had no difficulties. That literally incensed me. . And now the guy has the temerity to suggest that they may have no discomfiture if I move in and live there before they are gone. But again timidity leashed me.

The guy was very rich. And could not he and his wife move to a hotel for those few days? It may cost him a few nickel and would save awkwardness. I personally would have done that and would not in the most perverted wild dream think of such a proposition or arrangement as this.

The epilogue to the story was that I moved into the apartment and cocooned in a room. I had to fix airconditoners in all rooms as they had ripped out theirs. And consigning them however irritated I was to the sultriness and heat of the summer sans air-condition was pretty cruel and impolite. And I guess I took care not to offend them and display any mean spirited tantrums I may have lying latent.

However I decided that when I wanted to go to the pub and have a few sundowners before going home, I did exactly that. I did, not care to see if that was discourteous or impolite. I would go swiftly into my room and shut the door lest the lady would notice the whiff of alcohol. At least I need to have that right by birth and fundamental in the house I pay for.

But it was awful difficult and uneasy however one wanted to be not churlish, though I must pat my back that I managed to live through displaying timid smile.

Narcissus

Tales from Greek Mythology has always been fascinating. The story of Narcissus- who was beguiled by Nemesis to a pool, where he saw and fell in love with his very own reflection and unheeding the entreaties of his love Echo, lay hypnotised and obsessed with the image of self and dies eventually. The Gods later turned his remains into a flower. The Narcissus!

If our idiosyncrasies can be excused because it can be related to a genetic inheritance or even to a vain childhood and formative days , well then no felon can be incarcerated and no murderer can be consigned  to the gallows. For, all our deeds are not of our making or volition, but psychological aberrations that metamorphosed into what we are. They are the acts of Nemesis!

He is pleasant faced and charming; the boyish grin of Cupid is his hallmark. He would not bate an eyelid if he was asked for help and without demure and with eagerness ran errands that he need not have to. A highly felicitated and appreciated worker, he was the darling of the top management. What he has been able to achieve in his official capacity was the envy of the top brass and his colleagues .A jolly good bloke who ensured his presence in every situation that calls for assistance, even often much that is not relevant to his position in the Bank where he worked. His foibles made him the darling of the people who was acquainted to him and the cynosure of his friends. The world knew him very well and brooked no traits in him that was unpleasant. A Good Samaritan who cared for everybody who crossed his path! A guy who loves banter and fun!

The moon has a dark side and that is not strange in the matters of men too. It did not take much long for a fairytale relationship that climaxed in marriage to churn and show signs of curdling. At home he permeated an exasperating air of cussedness and that would be an unthinkable disposition the outside world would attribute to him. Known only to the folks very, very close and his wife, he showed distinct gauche that she a self styled sophisticated lass found hard to fathom and live with.

He did not diffrentiate between what to discuss with the world outside and what not to. Perhaps he did not understand. The little storms that happened between him and his spouse were bared in public. This was handy to the frivolous and the dissolute ones among his friends and acquaintance and to the utter charging and apprehension of his wife. He began to display the selfish side of the feeling of hurt ignoring the unpleasantness such matters inflicts on his spouse and his near ones. The ingratiating ones took note of the opportunity to shower pity and empathy on him stating that they feel for his plight and the callousness of his wife. The very same would flatter her to deceive and express serious reservation about his behavior.

His escapades into delusion of self-importance with little regard for the other seemed to have eclipsed a life of mutual respect and affection. His conduct increasingly seemed inane and unacceptable. Sometimes, he entertained acquaintances at home and brooked no reservation about the etiquettes in doing so while his wife and little children, their two little

girls were around. A family holiday turned sour when he his wife and little ones had to be virtually escorted after he got inebriated.

He simply refused to hear any chiding of his strange ways. Often he seemed to commit excess in foolishness.

The woman in his life attributed his behavioral problems to Narcissism. 

His wife who was a working woman chose to seek a transfer to a faraway city. Perhaps a mistake, though a wise recourse in her opinion! And, communication between them became uncommon and when it happened it bordered and even slid into acrimony. Quite incorrectly she was acquiescing his behaviours during the afterglow of their marriage. However, perhaps when the sheen was wearing away she felt a lot depravity. 

There was no love lost for the woman in his life and the love and affection for his little girls was limitless. It often seemed that he was incapable of expressing affection and love as a woman would expect. Perhaps he is entwined by an illusion that he has to commit excess to be noticed? That would be a terribly misconceived thinking. There seemed to be a distinct deposit of inferiority complex in him. And he did not heed. His heart that went wild, often ruled his mind.

What can bring about a redress? People who cared for him and his family worried.