Saturday, May 4, 2013

Match Making

“Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Make me a match,
Find me a find,
catch me a catch.
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
Look through your book,
And make me a perfect match…
…….Matchmaker, Matchmaker,
Plan me no plans
I'm in no rush
Maybe I've learned
Playing with matches
A girl can get burned
Bring me no ring
Groom me no groom
Find me no find
Catch me no catch
Unless he's a matchless match.”

“Tradition”, the word describes what has stood the flow of time and the test of generations. I guess one would understand what I refer to. Indeed the institution called marriage and in Indianised Anglican phrase-“arranged marriage”. Call it match making too!

Though I may be seen as a votary of anti-match making because I was recalcitrant and did not heed to the traditional way of match making when it mattered to me personally. I do endorse the values and the meticulous processes that lead up to an eventual betrothal. For, one cannot deny the fact that wedlock is not merely an affair between the groom and the bride, man and woman but it is essentially a liaison between families. This is where family values, integrity, and respectability come to play and lack of it is fraught with unpleasantness that is sure to visit at a much later date well after marriage. I emphasise this to my kids and I do not know if someone can convince me to the contrary.

I was instrumental in the initial discussions that preluded a couple of wedlock and, now, an impending one.
I was shockingly fascinated when I realised recently a gaffe, some twenty and eight years ago when I discussed briefly with my then brother-in –law to be, the proposal for my sister’s hand in marriage. His parents took over the formal matters after my meeting with him. But I realize now, and after all these many years that I (we) may not have asked my sister whether she approved of the match making. Wasn’t it quite impertinent to presume? It is too late to ask her now! Perhaps I must remind him now the gaffe. Sure it is humorous to think about.

A match making that later proved to be a toss-up between spite and or the facilitation of relationship between two mutually malefic couple, took place some twenty two years ago. I was by virtue of marriage related to the man. His parents assigned me as the only male member worthy of initiating discussion with the prospective bride and family. I took up the matter and had to persuade him to accept her proposal as he was quite nervy about his parent’s opinion about the bride and her family. I had to usher a quality that was nonexistent in me-“persuasion” and it worked. I now may be persona non grata in their social list and, as for me, I do appreciate to be distanced from them is an ironical matter.

It will be amusing if I mention now to my brother-in-law, my forgetfulness in not asking his wife (my sister) if she agreed for the match making. Because now, I just concluded the ground work or call it research about the groom for their daughter (my niece).I flew to Abu Dhabhi to meet and chat with the boy before endorsing him from my side to be-“the suitable boy”.
Now, did I remember to ask the girl if she approves of this match making.

                                "....  Find me no find
                                Catch me no catch
                                Unless he's a matchless match.”


Happy Kitten said...

I am sure these days the girls do have an opinion..but then maybe she trusts her Ammavan..marriages r made in heaven!

Usha Menon said...

Interesting post.Long ago I read a story 'Match maker's haven.'Those days matchmakers were 'agents'whose main purpose was to extract money from both sides.Neither the boy nor the girl were consulted. It was ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

great job...well done...hope every thing works out well

adithyasaravana said...

Values and meticulous process which lead up to the marriage..yeah..that s where we get this particular saying in tamil.. " kalyanam panni paar, veettai katti paar" , and definitely a liaison between families.
When you dont seek the opinion of both the parties personally, you are comitted to being questioned later when things go not as desired..:)
Anyway , what to tell about matching the horoscopes in this process.. and maybe it is an escapist excuse to blame solely on horoscopes when there is a hitch regarding other matters. ( personal experience. . No regrets though )

rudraprayaga said...

Match-making is not a fancy activity.It indeed carries with it the fate of the bride and groom because then also people suffered and were satiated.Apt topic for today.Prediction and prognostication have attained great power in this entity,life has no concern with it though.

BK Chowla, said...



Insignia said...

Better late than never Anil. You know, some of my friends are getting married and it seems the girls are more demanding now a days. Thats what I hear from everyone. So yeah, it becomes important to check with the girl as well

rama said...

Whether you find your own match or allow parents to take the responsibility, it is finally, left to the boy and the girl to make things work between themselves. Nothing comes for free, so the give and take mentality must always be there, and adhered to in a matured manner, for the marriage to be a success
Now a days boys and girls are finding it difficult to fall in love too, for there requirements are also the same as the parents, look for in a prospective bride or a groom. Getting everything right is such a big hassle not only for the parents but also for the children. However, keeping a positive attitude, and not rushing into anything, would surely yield results that would suit more or less everybody.

Shilpa Garg said...

While earlier people used to take pride in suggesting suitable matches for the bride or the groom, based on their interactions or familiarity with the family etc. But now a days people shy away from doing this... because you never know about a person till you live with them, and what if something goes wrong after marriage... so the match making as was prevalent in our parents' time is no longer commonly seen.

They say marriages are made in heaven and which is true, I believe... so if you are destined to marry X, the universe conspires such that you meet X! :)

Meera Sundararajan said...

Marriages in India are not made in heaven but by match makers! You are right in feeling the way you do -about not asking your sister if she approved of her husband to be! Yes, the process of negotiating a marriage is truly a very delicate and diplomatic one and you obviously seem to be a certified negotiater ( if I may say so). One has to do the ground work, the detective work and the sales work all in a very balanced manner!

Bhav.Zz said...

If only we knew at the time of our birth who our match would be, it would be so darn easier :P

....Petty Witter said...

Such a fascinating post made even more so by the fact that I was only recently having a discussion about an arranged marriage not being the same as a 'forced' marriage ..... if only you'd been here in person I'm sure you would have contributed greatly.

ousu said...

Anil - "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Plan me no plans I'm in no rush Maybe I've learned Playing with matches A girl can get burned So, Bring me no ring Groom me no groom Find me no find Catch me no catch Unless he's a matchless match."

Poignant and quite touchy.. its the turf I am treading on dear friend, matches and matchmakers.. Have to add, and brothers do a good share of matchmaking these days.. I am recovering from the last matchmaking a friend did. I fell in love with the girl in spite of all odds and she didn't!

NB: on a personal note, embarrassed to comment after being dead for almost an year! But then couldn't stop maself from commenting. Anil, sorry.

Musings said...

@ Happy Kitten,
Yes girls do have .My part here was incidental because of my position.

@ Usha Menon,
Thanks. Yes they are now without jobs.

@ Paul Mani,

No geat job manichaya.

@ Adhityasaravanan,
Yes things are changing. but some traditions are worth having. The mumbo jumbo of the horoscope is indeed questionable.


predictions well they are like gambling .But no deductions or probability based on empirical matters.

@ BK. Chowla,
Yes sometimes I feel that too things are made in heaven.

@ Rama,

It is a big crossing this matrimony. I agree with you.

@ Insignia,

I ask her ( my niece) why the hell did she not find a fellow herself?

@ Shilpa Garg,

Marriage is a gamble too. isn't it? It is sheer chance that couples are made for each other or to be at each others throat.

@ meerasundarajan,
I mentioned about the incident of my sisters wedding in a lighter vein. In fact she Had agreed about it to my mom , I believe.
In any case relationships that are to be solemnized by wedlock has have compatibility personally between the parties and even the families. I believe so.

@ Bhavv Zz,
Perhaps that will rob the mystery!

@ Petrty Wiiter,

Ha ha. May be I could open up a marriage Bureau?

Forced marriages in civilsed societies , well no , I do not think so.

@ OIusu,

Embarrassed? Well better be so now than be felled after.
Hope you will find a good companion soon.

Bhavana Sharma said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aradhya Chowdary said...

Subhamastu is a growing kamma matrimony website, matrimony service exclusive for kamma's around the world. Search kamma brides, kamma grooms and kamma community matching profiles for your life partner here.