Battle of The Bulge

The battle has not been fought to win .It was not fought at all.

Now the counter offensive could be late and the enemy is entrenched over the past decade and more. And once dug in, the enemy is in a strong hold and may require a war to annihilate. But then where can one seek the will? The will, the determination and perseverance to wage the war, move meticulously forward and evict the enemy from what he has usurped? 

But introspection is required too. Any failure in battle calls for a post- Morten. And that revealed high magnitude of lethargy and indifference, a casual nonchalant attitude, a lack of proclivity to discipline perhaps! And that may have brought forth the loss in the battle of the Bulge. Someone opined. “Well actually the battle is not lost, with will there can be a reversal.” I suggested the battle is a losing battle, a lost battle – “The battle of the Bulge”.

I looked in the mirror, turned sideways and saw the profile too. Made no difference, seemed more pathetic. On a 180 cms tall frame a 92 kgs of mass! Goodness that is a well thirteen to sixteen kgs more than what is ideal and advised. 

I went back in the time machine past the last decade, and further beyond. It seemed like the journey in space through a black hole, decades, passed by and I went further, one, two, three and four or there about. I saw what may be justifiably alleged as the emaciated reality that was then. And that was, it was about 168 cms frame and about 45 kgs in mass. It brought back to me the profile of an Auschwitz survivor. A cousin of mine called me, H.W.Longfellow!

At twenty three, came financial independence and thence began the indulgence and excess in gastronomical predilections. Gluttony and devouring of spirits that did not see any need for restraint saw the Auschwitz image metamorphose into what glares back from the mirror today. Fortunately there was above mean levels of outdoor physical exertions, else, I may have simply dropped down flat, never to get back on my feet again or may have had the medical fraternity ripping open my rib cage to fix a few detours in my cardiac arteries. And also because of some good physical chemistry passed on genetically!

Rum then was the favourite liquid to cleanse the gastro- esophageal portions and to wash down gluttonous orgies. Rum, a typical byproduct of sugar cane and from molasses, very reliable elixir to deposit expanse around the mid riff! As means bettered, came along travels and with that, exotic spirits from the Rhineland, Bordeaux and the district of Cognac. However the fascination continued with the good old Indian whiskies and Rum and fabulous food never in dearth.

I moved away from the mirror to under the shower. When the cold water sprayed one me I mused. “What if the battle of the bulge is lost? There has been quite good memories and earned great companions, excellent indulgence in food and drinks, many places went, graduated a fair bit in the bitter, sweet and sour of life and in people. And in the final sum up, it has been a typical mortal existence with mixture of fun happiness, despair, sorrow and elation. Perhaps only got to remember to look ahead and not with crestfallenness. That sometimes is a tough ask. 

Losing the battle of the bulge may have enlightened me a bit of  what life is all about!

Delight at Dawn

This post was inadvertently deleted & hence the re-post now.

This early morning, I was half in sleep anticipating the troublesome wakeup alarm on my mobile. In my half-awake mind, I juggled whether I must go for the jog heeding the dispassionate reminder of the alarm. It was about five am and I was startled into full consciousness by the jolting tone of the incoming text message in the phone. I chose to be lazy not to stretch out to pick the mobile phone and instead decided to believe I did not hear any that and tried pleadingly to sleep again. 

When I finally woke up at around half past six, I remembered the text message and read it. It was from C, and it said that, she has some interesting news for me and that I must call her. I tossed about in mind, what that would be. Later when another message came in a little after, I dialed her.

It indeed was news more than interesting; in fact it was such wonderfully pleasant news to be given early in the morn. She said.”Kuns’s (the pseudonym of the very amiable and loving friend of mine (us)), daughter Ammu is to be married away. And the marriage engagement will be in May followed by the wedding in September.”

The delighting news, besides it being a matter that all dear and near look forward to has more reasons for me ,C and surely some of my close friends to be beaming about. Ammu, the little girl she once was and now an Engineer in Electronics is the first child of the generation next to be born to one of the fellows in our close circuit of friends. And S, her mother was expecting her when she brushed away the trouble of the advanced pregnancy and was at our wedding, twenty four years ago.

I may not make it to the engagement in May, which C would definitely be present at. But I will surely have to make it to the wedding, come September. I called up her father, my pal later in the morning and reminded him that he and S, now need to look more like parents (they both radiate a much younger disposition and appearance than any of us).

How inexorably time fly by! Twenty and five years ago who among us would have dreamt in any of our moments of even wild drinking revelry, of such fascinating dream? Perhaps the same was true, yes certainly so, to our parents too. A few more years down and all these kids will be adults walking away into their chosen horizons, leaving…! 

And deluge would seldom happen when we may vanish into the horizon before- for the law of Nature states that matters are cyclical. There will be bees to drone and collect nectar in flowers that bloom each day, the birds will continue to chirp and chatter, the little fishes with their myriad colors swim about in the waters in delight along with the mightier ones, the dogs will wag their tails and bark lovingly when their masters come forth, the sun will rise and set giving way to the moon and the stars- the world will relentlessly turn round and move around for the seasons to enliven all the wonder and another generation will be born for another to give way..

A Dream Still Born

                       "I'm a steam train,big and tough,
                        Riding steel rails, hear me chuff;
                        Running on my steel railroad track,
                        Smoke is steaming from my stack."

Hitch your vision to the stars. Did someone famous say that? I guess so. The fact is I never did really hitch my vision to anything stellar .And when I look back it was more of a variant of   drift wood  kind and  that I was fortunate at times to  ebb with the tide and at  other times get smothered by chance. So there was no real manual design behind what I’m today. Is that not the sign of lackadaisical character?

Strong are the ones who do not let lives be designed and dictated by vicissitudes and the roller-coaster of existential living. They design and chart their course like voyagers who deftly chart the navigation on the vast and seemingly endless seas. And their persistence and perseverance enables them to manoeuvre the vagaries of the mysterious waters and finally say aloud, “Land ahoy”.

As a child I was fascinated by the train that was pulled by the steam locomotive engine. The rail road passed through my neighbour hood and I never failed an opportunity and let go a chance to stand on the over bridge, or the street adjacent to the rail road and watch with enchanted fascination locomotive pull the cars, huffing, puffing and with the occasional shrill whistle that sent  jet of steam out through the exhaust vents. The swish, whistling and hissing the steam engine creates; its huge wheels that are connected by shafts that rotate in synchronous harmony, were wonderful sights and to behold in awe. The manual hand signal on the side of the rail track gave a good indication of when the train would pass. And I would stay put for minutes for the signal to assert and then get overwhelmed with excitement when the engine appears in the distance like a black spot .Then to gradually appear larger in size and vision. When it entered the under the bridge on which I stood transfixed, the brief couple of seconds the huffing becomes distant then to be heard on the other side of the bridge to soon speed off to vanish with the cars in tow beyond the bend on the rail road! The smell of burning coal, though tantalising would also send tiny specks and dust of residual coal into the nostrils and eyes. A less intense consequence when compared to the awe the whole picture gave me!

I decided when I become man I must be a train driver. The huffing-puffing locomotive stayed lingering in my dreams while asleep and the subject to build castles while awake.

It was then by chance and luck of great magnitude as I saw it, that I could travel in the locomotive along with the driver and his assistant. This fortune came my road many, many years ago while I was in Kottayam during a mid- summer vacation from school. I was sent to my aunt (mother’s sister) who lived there. She lived in the housing quarter provided to her husband who worked in the Railways. The housing quarter was a stone throw from the main tracks of the train station and a small open park straddled the railway tracks.

It was one evening and I was with some boys of my age playing in the park. When a locomotive hissed by and stopped with loud clutter and clatter on the track near us. We turned our attention and ran towards the engine. It was driven by someone who was the parent of one of the boys. He asked us if we would want to hop in for a ride. And I guess I was the first one to jump for the invite. So there and then I did my first and only travel in the locomotive .The driver was on a shunting mission and for some fifteen minutes he took us in. I could even help his assistant to shove coal into the furnace and also they let me tug at the cord overhead that sent shrill whistle. It was fascinating experience of a dream that became very true and  nothing alike was felt when I chanced to travel first time in an aero plane.