Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Jack & The Bean Stalk

                                       An old photograph

The mother is furious at the boy that he is sent to bed without supper. The blunder he did was to give away the only possession they had, the cow, she entrusted with him to sell in the market and he did literally for nuts. He bartered the cow to a man who offered what he claimed to be magical bean seeds. The seed grew overnight into a huge stalk that went up to the skies and  little Jack went up the bean stalk to the Ogre’s castle, befriended the young woman who was a prisoner there and he finally enriched himself with the booty the Ogre had. And all that is all fascinating for a fairy tale. And Jack’s mother was absolutely within her rights and duties as mother to reprimand him severely for the infringement. But what if mother refuses to advise, suggest, discuss let alone gentle nudge when it need be?

I have an issue going off and on with C. And I feel she refuses to see my side of the argument and steadfastly opines that the children are grown up and she need not be asking them to do things; she should not be acting like a catalyst or correcting them. The trouble is that she has her heart ruling her words and reactions than the brain locked inside her head. This has been more than often a rusted piece of nail that pricks me.

She may read this post as she sometimes ventures into my Blog!

I’m not expressing the lack of confidence in the children per se. They are in their own ways individualistic and have formed determined and strong opinions.  A is twenty one and R eighteen. But as Balan mentioned in his recent post on parent’s anxiety and Oushu in his Blog about his mother’s apprehensions- apparent it is and not an enviable position when you are  concerned about your children’s future, however well they may be marching ahead. It is not anymore in the day’s world that, epiphany like with little Jack that will lift you up in life. It has to be perseverance, hard work and most of all smart work. If it is only hard work one may live the life of an ass.

A has taken of his own very volition a medium that probably will be “the” talk and the thing of the present and the future. Something that depression and inflation, the economic synonyms will not bother much-“visual media and entertainment”. As luck has paid back, we (I & C) have not thus far bothered much about the academic brilliance or performance of both the kids. And thus far they have done fairly well. Fortunately they did not want to be stereo types( doctors and techies) and we loved that decision more than any.
But I get apprehensive often as A is in my opinion though not certainly agoraphobic is not entertaining my suggestion to be more advertising. And it is necessary more because the field that he has chosen is not easily amenable and one has to be heard and seen. But C seldom tells him or discusses advisory matters with him. She tells that he is grown up. This irritates me all over. I do not feel that he is still letting himself submerge in it.

She expresses unquestionable confidence in the children and silences me by asserting that they are conscious of matters and will certainly do what is required to further their selves.

It is not always that all mothers and parents have such optimism. But to me it takes more to be convinced and I have to see the ground proof, the result and the sum of the matter. I get distressed when I think of the missed opportunities that I let go begging. The matters I was not expressive about and timid when I had to be assertive. It is the desire to ensure history should not repeat in certain ways.

When I was little I was fancied with Jack’s scrambling up the bean stalk and the good things he brought down from the Ogres abode for his mother. As a boy it is easy to fantasise and imagine such manna falling on you. But with half a century of life behind, there is anxiety and reality that has to be dealt with. The world is tough today than it was a few decades ago. And is cruel and unrelenting too.


NRIGirl said...

Wow! I read it as if it were one sentence!

Just wait and see one of these days C is sure to lose her cool and sound a lot like you.

Why I say that? Because that just happend to me last night.

The same Me who is so confident of my children's academics sat them down and went on and on about putting in their best - nothing less!

I even took a step further banning them their little indulgence of TV, video games etc.

All becase Joshua was late on 2 of his papers!

As long as we know they are doing their best we will be fine; but at the slightest slack we become alert.

Nice to see the clan in the lovely picture!

Insignia said...

I see something else out of this post. A dad's practical thinking and mom's heart over mind

I dont know how it is; I had a very different upbringing :) Chill Anil...everything is fine.

Sukanya said...

I could understand the sweet Carolina's eagerness towards her children. And ofcourse, this wonderful father's feeling towards his wife & children. Keep going. :)

Happy Kitten said...

A wonderful family!

Mothers are such; they will always think more with their hearts than mind but then you as a Father is there to balance it out. I am sure your children will do fine.

BK Chowla, said...

Mothers have always been so.

....Petty Witter said...

Not a parent myself so I can't really comment. But it seems to me that you are like Husband dearest in that you are ruled more by your head whilst C is like me in that she is ruled more by her heart. My only thought, keep communicating.

Balachandran V said...

The world was always 'tough, cruel and unrelenting'. As we grow older we become weaker and softer and accommodating. The World is growing; we are growing older!!

anilkurup said...

@ NRIGirl,

It is better not to invite a situation where when one loses ones cool.

@ Insignia,

Is it not true then that women fantsises a lot more than men and only time will tell if fantasy eclipse the practical thinking .

@ Sukannya,

Thanks for empathising.

@ Happy Kitten,

Ummm, a mother standing for a mother? ha . yes now I see mothers are all thinking alike. Thanks for the comments and the positive outlook.

@ BK Chowla

Yes I guess more often they are so. Exceptions to the rule must be around.

@ Petty Witter,

Advise well noted. So you too agree that women ( mothers) may think alike.

@ Balan,

I notice a latent significant diplomacy in the comment. A d├ętente a kind in the subject matter.

Meera Sundararajan said...

The ability to have confidence in one's children is the self confidence of a parent who is sure of their parenting abilities. Hats off to your wife!! She sounds absolutely different from all Indian moms that I know of ! God bless all of you!

anilkurup said...

@ Meerasundarajan,

Forbid that she ( C) must read your comment and that will be a shot in the arm for her side of the argument.

Jijo Kurian said...

Every child is a warrior and every old man is a businessman. How every warrior becomes a businessman is a long story: the whole society, education, culture, conditioning, makes you more and more fearful, afraid. You cannot take a risk and everything that is beautiful is risky. Love is a risk. Life is a risk. God is a risk.(Osho)

anilkurup said...

@ Jijo Kurian,

I like your metaphor.
Thanks for coming by.