The Past Week

I have read a couple of books of Albert Camus. "The Plague" and I remember reading some essay of his. That was long, long ago when reading was still part of the diet. I can just about recall some idea of his, and I guess he said that happiness is fleeting and human life and achievements are meaningless. And he also said that, “I can accept periods of unhappiness, because I know I will also experience happiness to come”.

I was scared of having to live here at home alone for the next one and half months. In fact I was not afraid but just scared! And having to live alone here when the emotional turmoil and strain with the crisis in the business front looming large was very disconcerting to say the least. Because when one is in such strainful times it is always comforting  to have someone around with whom one can  feel and speak and release the inflated  and suppressed thoughts, lest it ruptures with irreparable damage.

C has been complaining about some discomfort and went for a check up a few days back to a Gynaecologist in a reputed hospital in Coiamabatore. The doctor, a woman sent her through the scanning machine, x-rays etc etc, and decreed that she needs an immediate uterine surgery. The doctor persisted that C go back the next day for the surgery for uterine removal. Because she has vesicles or cysts in the uterine wall, and that is the cause for all her discomfort and occasional pain.

I was not too sure, and prevailed upon C to go to Thiruvananthapuram, as being there she would be with my sister and cousins and even a post operative recuperation would be quiet there. There I believed she would have at least someone to care her! And with the stressful time s here it was always wise that she keeps away if she has to undergo surgery, more because the convalescence period is one month. An added advantage of being in Thiruvananthapuram was that there is this efficient Gynaecologist and Obstetrician we know personally as well.

But for me the impending trauma was the prospect of having to spend one month and more in a kind of a solitary state with no one to be with, speak to. And the looming loneliness was ominous.

Back home in the evenings sitting alone at home with absolute loneliness as companion, and confinement, would be directly threatening one’s level of ‘break point’.

C went on the night train last Thursday. And I spent the night of Thursday preparing for the one month of loneliness. It was impossible to read, mind never listened, watching TV was nonsensical as there was nothing to glue on and I kept surfing channels. Whisky as I always have was limited and never fancies that as a companion when alone. And the night- sitting alone was dreadful. Thoughts were disturbing and distressing. I hit bed and slept long -mercifully indeed.

The second night Friday was not much different. I was tumults, tempest like and helpless. I just about forced myself to gather and hang on.But the comforting news from C who reached Thiruvanathapuram was that the doctor there gave her a clean chit and confirmed that it was not necessary to undergo surgery. And the anomaly or discomfort can be corrected through medication. Wonder on what the doc in Coiambatore based her decree for urgent surgery?

This was wonderful, for C not having to pull through the surgery and the post operative phase. And for me the threat of having to fear the loneliness for a month was distant and gone.

I realised how companionship or proximity of someone close can alleviate the turmoil in stressful times.

And as Camus said, “I can accept periods of unhappiness, because I know I will also experience happiness to come”.