Tuesday, February 19, 2013


There is an irony about eulogies; there is an element of hypocrisy too in some expression of commiseration, let it be about death or other forms of misfortune. Don’t you think so?

Honestly, I have desisted from thinking twice about certain people’s demise or their plight. And I do not see it even an iota truthful when expression of condolences are made, empty rhetoric of concern is  soliloquized when somebody had passed, while it was true all the while during the life time of the deceased that he was widely and severely detested or he was unjustly hounded, abused and trampled.

I remember writing in this space about a person whose passing did not evoke a tiny bit of sympathy because while he lived he was among the most devious of mankind and displayed utterly loathsome character. He trampled upon many without remorse and guilt. Well, this thought will be directly antagonistic to the philosophy of Christianity.

It is a fact that there are detested and abominations walking around. And while they live they disperse only misery and agony. There is another kind, the unfortunate lot who are hunted when they live and when they are gone, canonized.

Coming to the incident, I want to discuss- yesterday one of the bigwigs in the organization saw a personal loss, his father passed away. The deceased I guess was in his early seventies. Mentioning about the son, one cannot refrain from saying that he is perhaps among the most devious and specious person. Arrogant and reprobate he is silently and overtly detested by both people higher up in the hierarchy and commoners. Except for the big boss for reasons known to him alone, no one, virtually no one but for his couple of cronies would stand for him. But since he has some stranglehold over the ‘Big Man’ and has him in a garrote, he could continue with his charlatanism and chicanery with almost uninhibited impunity.

I have had a running feud with him and he is very uncomfortable with me around. He wanted to see me exit from the day one. My character being such and devoid of diplomacy and salesmanship when it comes to such people, I would not care a hoot about what becomes of him. So the news of his father’s demise yesterday morning and his taking the flight to his country immediately was of least bearing to me and I seldom thought of it further than when I heard the story. However some who has had open confrontation with him and had outspokenly branded him all that he really is, took no time to place telephone calls to him and express condolences, concern and etiquette of what we call civilised hypocrisy.

One can argue as some did that when death visits one must forget all hostility and disapproval. I was unsure for a while and then this morning, I placed through a call to his mobile phone. It rang its full length of ring but he did not attend the call. Perhaps he was busy with some subsequent event or perhaps he cared a damn to attend my telephone call.


adithyasaravana said...

Perhaps yes, for the question posed in the beginning..but then,some people can't change their mold..Do we secretly desire for them to realize their haughtiness while they are around?sometimes it takes nerves to behave in an empathetic way towards them..

Happy Kitten said...

It is best to avoid hypocrisy but when death come one is forced to confront it as you did..the least the other guy could have done was ack it..but then it proves what you told of him!

KParthasarathi said...

To takea charitable view,he might have been busy with ceremonies.
We are generally guided by the dictum
"satyam bruyat priyam bruyat
na bruyat satyam apriyam
priyam ca nanrutam bruyat
esha dharmah sanatanah
Speak truth in such a way that it should be pleasing to others. Never speak truth, which is unpleasant to others. Never speak untruth, which might be pleasant. This is the path of eternal morality, sanatana dharma

Shilpa Garg said...

True, in death one should forget all the hatred or differences. By calling that guy, what you did was right, while he not receiving your call speaks a lot about him.

Ashwini C N said...

True. I've noticed it too. People keep cribbing and chiding abusive remarks at a person and the day they come to know that he happened to leave the world, they'll go on and on about how great a Mahatma he was. Typical.

Haddock said...

I think I agree with you here but many will not agree with me.
All those condolences are nothing but false if you really don't mean it from the heart.
I know of a guy in my office who kept a tab on all those who came for his father's funeral. (and I was in that list) Later - much later - during some other discussion he pointed out "but Mr so and so did not come for my father's funeral" That is how narrow his outlook is.

Haddock said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BK Chowla, said...

Life is very short for anyone to have hatred towards anyone

NRIGirl said...

Such a timely post as I am contemplating in a similar situation my self.

To call or not to call is the question.

No ill feeling against her but no sad feeling either. Why then pretend to be sad?

Mom insists I call or write. Hard to do when you don't feel a thing.

For now I refrain. Will inquire when we meet face to face. Fair enough I guess.

....Petty Witter said...

Ah death, that great leveller of mankind.

Better in my opinion to say things that are meant from the heart in total sincerity or say nothing at all.

rudraprayaga said...

Say good about the dead because he/she is no more here to confront or befriend. After their disappearance whatever traces of good is there in him/her, that glimpses around.

Insignia said...

I have often heard my mom say/advice that never miss to pay your last visit at a funeral; but its absolutely fine not to attend a wedding

In this case, the father of the guy whom you don't share a rapport with has passed away. You did the right thing by calling this guy. Lets hope that he probably didn't notice your call or recognize your number :-/

anilkurup said...

@ All

The person was back today after the period of mourning and I met him in his office and expressed my condolence. He apologized for not accepting my phone call that day and he hoped I would understand. I assured him that I would and had a brief chat with him for a few minutes enquring about his mother and observing about death in general.
He expressed thankfulness for my offer of condolence.
We shook hands and departed.