Friday, September 2, 2011

Koffe ,Tea or Me?


  

“Koffee with Karan”, a highly rated programme on international affairs, one would guess hearing the name and the viewership ratings. I happened to watch it by default once and a couple of times later. And I do not know why after those few watching I developed an allergy to coffee, a kind of anaphylactic shock if even I smell coffee. I presume that is being not in sync.

Nevertheless the damn programme is comical, an insipid one at that. The questions this man Karan Johar asks the giggling lass from Bollywood with high hem line and fascinating cleavage, who sits with one leg over the other adding to the attraction of the questions and the programme and sometimes the bloke who joins her, her boy friend or ex friend are apt for an orgy party. But goodness, a better selection of subjects and questions that are humorous and tasteful will be handled by a primary school kid. But then the guy is a gargantuan director of box office hits. And it is slated to be a programme in genre of “Breakfast with Frost”.

Questions generally asked tongue in cheek and with muted anticipation, for instance, “Tell me Amisha when and how you got over the crush for the little Kapoor?". Or,"Malika which part of Saif’s anatomy would you recommend”? Or still, “Abhishek do you think Salman was screwed up for life by his ex girlfriend”? And while the question is asked we have the beaming Aiswarya holding the still dyslexic Abhishek who grins agape, fumbles and then laughs, before heedfully autographing the coffee mug.

People love it, so people produce it and the Channel airs it. Fair democracy! If one watches it, it is because one likes it. And if I do not like it I should not watch it.

But what do you say about the most populated virtual realm in the world, the Face book?
 I’m a Face booker too. I realised a few months ago that the woman with whom I've been living with has suddenly decided to be my friend. I was aghast, wondered was it a kind of “one night stand”, that I was having for the past every night of the last twenty three years? That she was unfriendly and stranger to me, that she now is disillusioned with her vileness self and asked to be my friend. It was depressing and nauseating, a few Valium tablets would have alleviated the stress! But then it was funny to think of. "Face book" has revolutionised and recast the very definition of the word "friend”!

And today I found a post on my wall in the fb, “XYZ has answered the questions about Anilkumar”, i.e. me. Interesting I thought for a moment. It is always good to anticipate that someone has only good answers to questions about you. I patted my back before I began reading the questions and the answers.

And here are the questions and the answers about me. Mercifully some are rightly”Yes” and some are rightly “No”. I give the special ones that came close to making my life miserable ha!

1-              1-Do you think that Anilkumar will sleep with a teddy bear?
2-             2-  Do you think that Anilkumar has ever had a one night stand?
3-            3-  Do -  you think that Anilkumar can run a mile without stopping?
4-            4- Does Anilkumar sing in the shower?
5-            5-   Have you ever had a crush on Anilkumar?
6-            6-  Do you think Anilkumar has crush on you? The questions 5 & 6 are the most lewd questions if that                        
       is to be answered by a guy who is Gay. Ouch doomed I'm!
   7- Do you think Anilkumar is showered today?
   

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Road Not Taken





Delusion’, the dictionary says is a belief in an unfounded idea or opinion. And hallucination is described as an illusory perception or a mental disorder.

That probably points towards one direction many of us are afflicted by a grave mental disorder. We dream but we do not relinquish the dream as a dream, a fantasy, but get snowed under and ridden over by the idea, the opinion, and the illusory perception of it being real. We, late into the drama, finally cease to believe that it is an illusion. A mirage we have been after! Damn fools!

Bitter sweetness of the citrus turns sour inside out. The pod, the flesh all sour!

Reminds me of the proverbial story of the obstinate primate, who refuses to let go his purchase and continues to be held in the vice. The shackles, the chains that we let grow around our hands and feet, like the toxic creeper, entwine us, immobile, rooting us into illusion. And we still refuse. For they say have hope. But hope is when we let us be unbound by the shackles that tether us. Isn’t it?  

Relationships, burdens, commitments fostered by relationships, social etiquettes enforced by conditioning! What if we had refused to be cowed down by conventions and the orthodoxy, but embrace the vast horizons of being heterodox? Society may frown, may take pot-shots, snarl and dismiss us as pariah and incorrigible .So what. Must we care a hoot? Man, it’s our life and we have the right to use it the way we like. Or from the obverse point, abuse it the way we want. But trepidness  ruin  life that can never be regained, or redrawn! Paradise lost from being blind.

But alas, now, it is more than a trifle late for the dawn of realisation and enlightenment, for disillusion to eclipse the apparition.

It is no wonder, intelligent have observed that if there is Kingdom of Heaven and Paradise it is here in this life and within you. And it awaits only the ones who show the hubris, the courage to go beyond the boundaries of conventions. Isn’t it? And now there isn’t any common sense in crying over spilled milk and bygones.

It is not running away from life like 'The monk who sold his Ferrari', but living the life in full the way we feel. You fall dead at forty and if you have lived life that you wanted, there will be contentment for the soul than a life till the rickety eighties and squeeze inexorably into a ramshackle coffin (more often someone will have to carry you to put you in there), and lie like a goddamn fool  cold and shivering  in a damp subterranean pit looking into nowhere and dumb indeed dumb! And that, “shit I messed with a good chance of life”.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the under growth.

Then took the one just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no steps trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
took the one less travelled by
And that made all the difference.
Robert Frost

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Three options & Mine




There is much happening in India, which is my country and all Indians are not my brothers and sisters. Because the guy living next door is Christian and the fellow who sells me meat is Muslim. Then I have these swarms of low caste wiggles and moths around who are caste and many sub caste. It is a cauldron of discordant wiggles big and tiny, India. The bane or boon as you see fit, the legacies of the Hindu way of life.
And what am I? I’m pure blood, chaste( by birth something that is not determined by our volition) Hindu. But will I qualify among the elite class of socially upper caste among Hindus; the Aryan blooded (as claimed) Bhramnical species? Well that can be debated when we have dealt with the menace who sells meat and the proselytising nuisance next door.

The Pepperoni, Macaroni eating Italian lead Congress and their cahoots must cede power to the party who represent the majority of eighty percent plus Indians. That by now, they must have amassed their share of plunder and loot so mammoth since the Bofors which can dwarf the combined efforts of Muslim hordes and invaders from the times of Muhammad of Ghazni and Muhammad of Gowri.  It is time to give the rest of the cohorts a chance a fair one at that. Once the dynasty is gone ,the party  of Hindus, the BJP the pure Indian nationalist force , can then elect Mr Praveen Tagodia ( the Mullah Omar) of the VHP as the Prime minister and Mr Narendra Modi( the Adolf Hitler) of the BJP as the Minister of Home. Bajrang Dal can be the moral police. Because they all put together is combination of force having the trait, gumption to effectively cleanse, purify and Talibanise this land off foreign and defiled blood. Amnesty International, human rights the whimpering Court at The Hague, the UN – my foot!

A law that is said to be codified by Manu the law giver in ancient India , who is considered  the progenitor of mankind-his Smriti or “Manava Dharmashatra” was the codified laws of the ancient land. The Hindu militants want to provide authority to the text by insisting that they were codified as given by Bhrama, the creative genius of the pantheon .And then give it an aura that can rival or stand up to the some other codes that prophets in the orient who predated and came  after Manu lay claim to.It will be the official law book, the Sharia of modern India. Mercifully there is no account related to this ancient text, that Manu was given these treatise by God when he was incommunicado in some remote mountain cave. 

The History of India will be recast. Like Emperor Constantine who destroyed all pertinent documents relating to Christ and many other versions of the Bible to finally choose the one which he deemed fit for posterity and refurbish the life of Christ and the history of Christianity.The new dispensation in Indraprastha will redefine and sauté medieval Indian history in chaste hindutva,(what is chaste Hindu is still not defined and cannot be as there are no tyrannical  code of conduct  a Hindu must follow). The fact that Indians were not Hindus and there was no Hinduism in the land until after the Harappan Era and the Vedic age towards the 1500 BC is a matter that will be erased once and for all. May be India and the Hindu Indian will replace the cradle of mankind- the African continent.

Modern Indian history will be devoid of renegades and traitors such as Gandhi, Ghokale, Subash Bose, Tagore, and Nehru and so on. The ones who blasphemed Hindus and Hinduism, who gave away much to the ones left behind by alien cultures. And fittingly their names will be erased from Indian history.

Converts and those who were lured by foreign faiths may either reconvert or sail over to their promised lands. All places of alien faiths that are certainly built upon the real places of birth of Hindu legends and supermen will be demolished and rebuilt as temples of modern India.

A new India that is cleansed will be born. An India based on the hierarchy of caste, rules enforced by the Hindu Sharia.

That doesn’t augur well with the Vatican who has much stake in the country and has to care for its flock of the diasporas scattered across the sub-continent. Though, more so because the Vatican has serious threat from the revelations that it protected within its prelate core, sexually perverted and starved shenanigans. Its stock among faithful has plummeted. And the days of the Inquisitions are gone for Vatican to retrieve by means of terror, its lost ground. Also it has serious threats from inroads made into its fabric, its following, by the Neolithic evangelists. A bigger threat than when Martin Luther rebelled and broke away and formed the Protestant order.

That may ask for a Crusade of the Modern era. The Hindu Taliban would have banned   proselytisation that is akin to severing the life line of the Church. Morally repugnant too because the sole road to salvation and God’s will is only through the corridors and maze of winding passages the Church opens for its laity. So crusade it will be (It will need some imagination!). And this is the time to resurrect the dictums in the old version of the Lord’s Book-“an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”. As a prelude the laity will entrench a wooden crosses at every square , and send faithful scampering up mountain tops and rocky cliffs to paint the “Saviours” words in white enamel paint. It is time to go back to the belligerent version of the Lord's book.

We have now reached an interesting phase as to how the contemporary Indian history may be written. However the Armageddon has not arrived yet. It will in the name of the Merciful!

A caliphate extending from the Straits of Gibraltar, spanning across Eurasia and through the Indian sub-continent on to the shores of the pacific. The old dictum , so effectively practised in the middle ages , conversion by the sword, will be the official policy. A dream - the God’s will that must be made a reality, so much of the world is devoid and purified from infidels. As for the Americas they would be obliterated, their people and the factories, the skyscrapers, as already once proved.

Barbers, hair dressing saloons will be thrown out of business and forced to close shops. For, all men will have to keep their hair and whiskers. As for women it really will not matter if they do or do not  manicure or pedicure for they will be cocooned in chadors. Black as the Grim Reaper! Temples of the infidels and churches of the apostates  will be blasted into oblivion. The wealth hoarded within will be used to build schools that produces catamite’s .Revolutionaries  and suicide bombers will  unfortunately go jobless. No more necessary, as the planet will be cleansed of the big Satan and other infidels. Music, movies, dancing, revelry all will be outlawed and punished with death by severing the head or stoning. Firing squads will be avoided because the colour of blood of the infidel when it gushes out of the gaping hole in the torso is Gods will, a pleasure to watch! After all it must be understood all is in the name of the Supreme Providence, the merciful and the compassionate and for him the blood of the dogs are shed.  Canines will be electrocuted out of existence , for they are filthy creatures like the swine.

There will be no tax, no bank interests for loans and deposits and police will ensure that citizens pray prostrating  many times a day. Men would marry many, have concubines and catamites too. Education of women will be banned. And they, even  will not be allowed into the preparatory schools  for journey to paradise. They would be taught social acceptance of life within citadels and coexistence with other women inmates in the harems.

The new way of life , the life as decreed by the Supreme being will ensure that every citizen will be transported ( males) to heaven after death, where,  there in Paradise awaits  each of them a score of exotic voluptuous women and half dozen chubby catamites. All for the taking. Yes you may also  consume spirit in Paradise.

If suggested these options I would prefer an easy exit to paradise - explode a thermo nuclear device!