Wednesday, May 25, 2011

" I've looked on many woman with lust..."

“I've looked on many women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. God knows I will do this and forgives me”. These were the words of Jimmy Carter the former CEO of the United States.

I find it almost impossible to add on to his candid remark which may be universal about men. I felt comfortable reading Jimmy Carter’s comment because sometimes this unholy feeling creeps in, which will not from now on! And if any “man” chooses to deny or distance this comment as alien to his chemistry he must be “Janus – faced” and an incorrigible hypocrite. Well in a free world one can choose to be so or not and that should not bother anybody alarmingly.

“Ay, every inch a king. When I do stare, see how the subject quakes. I pardon that man’s life. What was thy cause? Adultery? Thou shalt not die. Die for adultery? No. The wren goes to’t and the small glided fly does lecher in my sight. ....”.  The bard has comforting words that certainly does not spell doom and pell –mell for those of us who see comfort in Jimmy Carter’s observation .

Could there happen to be a man amongst men who would not ever covet lustfully a woman who is not his lawful wife? 

It is also said (quote),”Passion is the evil in adultery .If a man has no opportunity of living with another man’s wife, but if it is obvious for reason that he would like to do so if he could, he is no less guilty than if he is caught in the act”. That was St. Augustine with puritanical religiosity of the early centuries.Which certainly forbade quite badly for the many who were St Augustine's contempraries as well as many of us.

The fact is that ‘coveting’ which Carter meant has to have a reciprocal action if it is not to end in a limbo. That brings us to adultery and which must have a respondents to call it so. I have not heard many women being candid as Carter was. Though disconcertingly for the prudish of the female sex, (there are still many around), the statements of Madhavikutty (Kamala Das) would be loathing. That lot among women would not even hesitate to call the late literary romanticist, Mrs. Kamala Das, lecherous and will eff and blind to damn her for bringing forth disrepute upon the female species.

Not many among women in our societies would speak openly about matters mentioned here. However it is only a common matter of logical deduction or inference that women are not a distinctly frigid species to not think as men do. It is true that social conditioning and morals laced and pickled in hypocrisy of ‘dos and don’ts’ taught while young play a dominant role in damming the rapids of biological exuberance.

It was quite some time ago and I was in casual discussion of “nothing “with an acquaintance of mine. Without deliberating, the topic of discussion moved into matters of man -woman relationship. Though we agreed that the moral fence is what pulls back the lecherous temerity in human beings, it is also precisely the matter that encourages jumping over the fence. We wondered if either of us could confidently state that these matters of moral restraints and dos and don’ts will stay in the next century. The word “adultery” may be consigned as an antediluvian word. Without any deliberate intent we moved into topics of our life before marriage and after, though we did not specifically broach on the subject of our personal adherences.She gave me the story of her friend who does not waste an opportunity to accuse her husband of misdemeanour, so that she could either be at ease with her liaisons outside or delude to feel satisfied that her acts  are tit for tat.

It was then that she did a sort of “Jimmy Carter”, when she said that she do fanatsise about other men in times of intimate moments with her husband (boyfriend), but has not found it enlivening. But she is not very fearful of maledictions from heaven or the taboos and conditoning associated with morality, because of her virtual escapades.A perfect victim for St. Augustine!

I wonder if the elements of priggish forthrightness will proscribe this post.


Insignia said...

As men...are women. No doubt.

But our social conditions, religious teachings? (a question mark here for the misinterpretation of religious texts by fanatics) would condemn us if women openly admit to 'ogling at other men with lust'

If a women has not done that ever, she must be a saint. Why do you we dress up? For other women to see..thats a reason to mask the 'to attract other men' :)

Mélange said...

In fact,this is having a wide angle in our society,I mean Kerala,since we are more than hypocrites at this and many.

Yet,what I feel honestly is been scribbled here by You Anil,
" However it is only a common matter of logical deduction or inference that women are not a distinctly frigid species to not think as men do. It is true that social conditioning and morals laced and pickled in hypocrisy of ‘dos and don’ts’ taught while young play a dominant role in damming the rapids of biological exuberance".

Since I belong to the society you mentioned,I think I have some more to add.

Apart from the upbringing,morals or the so called 'paapabodham' imposed upon us,we ourselves are going through a kind of transformation of being.What I have experienced so far is,my sexual apparatus situates some where near my brain.Good or bad.Jackie Shroff is a man,for example I always think is perfect physically.But that has not made me dream about him.Same applicable to my appreciation towards Bergman or Anand.Most of the women are like that I beleive.They are emotional and sensitive more to this where as men can clearly draw a line between sex and emotion.Unfortunately that's something we women can't understand or need to understand.To put it all into one,we love to remain as men and women.Or we can't exchange our state of beings.

If people are lusty more or frigid more,It actually make not much difference to me.Let it be like that.But it's high time for us to be honest;at least to ourselves.

Shilpa Garg said...

Very well said.... it's the same for both. Though, women may not be so forthright abt accepting it due to various reasons, pressures, stigmas...

Balachandran V said...

Mental adultery and its physical variant are different. In the mental act, there is only one actor; and since lust is a mercurial feeling that subsides after sometime, the whole thing is limited to oneself. But when you indulge in it physically, it involves the other individual/s, the mores of the society and the law of the land.

One of my friends once said that he gets aroused by all women except his own wife! I guess it is the instinct in us. Sometimes the inner conflict gets the better of us and that is Trouble!:-D

kavita said...

I agree ,it is same for both.
I remember this line i read somewhere-
' the prevailing feeling is that female lust is such a mysterious and unfathomable ’holy grail’ so rarely encountered in real life that it’s taken on a kind of mythical quality'.

dr.antony said...

Vaikom had once written " there is no man born on earth who has not committed adultery with a woman,at least in his mind".
Do I have to say that the food from others' kitchen always tastes better?

Women are no exception.Many new studies have shown that they almost equal men in extramarital affairs.The truth is that passion fades off in sex within marriage.Many do not admit.Lust doesn't have to be linked to love.One can have sex with a man or woman out of sheer desire.

Is there any other reason why the husbands of the best looking women sneak in to the maid's room at night?

Bikramjit said...

I ma sure both do the same ..

And I like what Insignia said would have asked the same question myself ..

It is also said that if a man does it a lady is safe as its jsut the lust but if its the other way round then god save the MAN :)


adithyasaravana said...

AH...some one has to talk about this.. lust seems to be unholy in more than many ways but somehow appears unavoidable..and why do we set different standards for men and women?..
laws and societal norms keeps changing from time to time and we try to adhere to whatever is prescribed during our life period. but mind, i think wanders as ever and is free to choose..and when something is denied, the longing becomes intense..

Mélange said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anilkurup said...

@ insignia
Unfortunately the fastest growing and the most belligerent religion in the world today has not subscribed to the view of equal status or respect for women.What ever the custodians of that faith claim and assert their rules and laws are archaic when it comes to women. So the question of their accepting women asserting in any form ,let alone indulging with male companions can be ruled out.

I do not believe there are saints amongst women like there are not any among men.

"But it's high time for us to be honest;at least to ourselves".
I agree in full.

@ Shilpa Garg,

Men too are not always open when it comes to the matter in discussion.There are not many like Jimmy Carter , but many like Bill Clinton who owns up grudgingly when other avenues of denials run out.There are also many who claim to Sainthood even in thought.

@ Balan,

I see thus- the social and moral restrictions and the laws of the land on one hand. The haunting of the conscience that has been conditioned on certain moral philosophies and principles on the other hand! Men and women are conjoined twins who suffocate in amongst this. But like in a fable in the Arabian nights, what if a voluptuous and titillating, seductive woman was to be shut in a room with a man. I wonder if his conscientious character stays intact.
Your last paragraph said it all.

@ Kavitha,

There is no holy grail and no holy emotions. I agree with you, this is a sort of beatification of feminine emotions.

@ doc antony,
You are a researcher as well! H ah !
Yes you are right, there is not much to differentiate. Situations and emotions are perhaps more important to women than men. And they also look from the angle of security. don't they?

@ Bikramjit,

Even Gods have indulged in adultery through words and deed.

@ adithyasaravana

Different standards are set by male dominated society. aren't they?

Mélange said...

Sh@s said...

Its tough to speak ones mind and when it comes to such things it takes more than courage to admit. Its the social conditioning that makes us conceal our thoughts. If a woman is vocal about it she is considered loose rather than modern or open-minded.

anilkurup said...


You are right. Moral boundaries designed by societies...
The art of concealment is taught very young.
Thanks for the visit and comment.

Happy Kitten said...

Does age have anything to do with your musings?

Have read that one is naughty after the age of forty..

nd here you are being naughty and encouraging us poor saints to be equally naughty :)

but then for men I guess as they progress in age, they also get more focussed on their libido :)and only since the women at the same age are bogged down by (her partner plus the children), they tend not to be distracted?

Have been personally listening to such musings from my Hubby and after reading many such comments, think it is time to seriously listen to him :)

anilkurup said...

@ Happy Kitten,
After forty one turns naughty! But certain things do not have the age factor determining its course .
I wanted to raise my views on the subject of "lust" and I opine that it is the same with sexes.It is the question of guts to express oneself. Some do, some hide, some bullshit.
Am I right in understanding that your husband also endorses my point?

Happy Kitten said...

Since you asked about my Hubby, guess men shall be only men!

but then what are wives for, if not to keep these men grounded in reality :)

nd as you said, it must be the moral fence that pulls back the lecherous temerity in human beings and for sure it ought to be thus.. else how shall society survive?

and as for temptations, I prefer to agree with some wise person who said the following..

They are like birds flying up in the air.. enjoy them but dont let them build a nest on your head :)

anilkurup said...

@ Happy Kitten,

H ha , the last sentence is encouraging.