Sunday, October 10, 2010

Self Portrait Sunday 10 th Oct 2010



I have been seated by my Lap top since sometime. I had the TV on with the cricket test match, but soon I switched it off. And now after quite a few minutes, is fiddling with the key board. Nothing seems to be coming forward in mind in a coherent manner so that I could put down.

Getting late this morning and after a dash to the fish mongers from whom I bought a kilo of mackerels, I m now seated by the computer. The morning dosas were good. Food has always been, except during the dreary period of viral fever a few weeks ago.

 C has gone out and here I m alone!

I went through the Blogs, and shot off a few comments. But still I cannot stumble into something to put down in words. The mind is either void, or in suspended animation. It is sine die! Know not!
Perhaps it may be incorrect to say that nothing comes into the mind. In fact is it not that mind is too full, weighed with matters?

Mood swings? I was discussing the topic with C and a few other friends.”Well that state of mind happens to women at the threshold of menopause”, was the   vox populii, and laughter ensued. I forced myself to join the jest.

I m now looking out through the window, I cannot see the path way to the gate as there is a bend in the path way down, and now the trees are grown with luxurious foliage, eclipsing the way farther. It struck a chord, seemed to be frighteningly similar, the way forward seems to be incomprehensible.

Now it is almost mid day and nigh impossible to gaze at the stars and dream of the way forward through the undergrowth, the thick dark foliage, through the unknown, the strange and incomprehensible, and into the lands beyond. The later part that life now is,cannot be inhibiting.It should not be a factor to weigh down. And dream one must,the stars would soon be out to lead the way...!


8 comments:

Balachandran V said...

Yes, you never know when the clouds would gather, when the skies would clear. These are uncertain times, but it sure would, the clouds giving way to sunshine and then again shrouding it.

'I' m now looking out through the window, I cannot see the path way to the gate as there is a bend in the path way down, and now the trees are grown with luxurious foliage, eclipsing the way farther. It struck a chord, seemed to be frighteningly similar, the way forward seems to be incomprehensible'. You see, even if it is not visible now, you know there is a path beyond the trees.

Beautifully visual. haunting. lingering.

dr.antony said...

Van Gogh spent a mysterious life,often between times of sanity and insanity.Isn't it strange that in his life time he could sell only one painting!
That is how unkind, life is. When we talk about love and beauty in life,his own life reminds us of the cruelty of nature.
I don't know why you chose that portrait.I am getting curious.

anilkurup said...

@ Bals

Precisely as you commented. There is a way around the bend. A tiny window when all doors are closed!


@ Doc Antony

I do not think that it was nature's cruelty to Van Gogh, or for that matter nature is impassioned.In the schemes of Nature it dose not really matter if it is a Van Gogh , a doc Antony , I or any particular person,relentless it is. And we all happen to be pawns.But it is we who out of our impudence feel invincible and indispensable. Is it not so?

Oh well choice of the picture- it sort of denotes the state of mind, I m sure you have read "Lust for Life".

dr.antony said...

Dear Anil,
I brought in his life because of that portrait.Every single painting of his has been sold for not less than 50 million dollars,and the painter himself had nothing at hand.He loved color,but his life was colorless. He was romantic,but all his romances failed.He painted wen he was sane,but often he remained insane,to the level of chopping off his own ear!.I was intrigued by his life.
Yes,we are pawns.. at the hands of whom?But some people can play with life happily..and others suffer all along.What do you call that act other than cruelty?

The Holy Lama said...

Enjoy. Let the child explore the path beyond for adventure lies there.

anilkurup said...

@ Doc Antony,

I tried to see it at a macro level. Not individually say for instance a Van Gogh or some one. Either way how does it matter for the world to turn around , if I or you or a Van Gogh cease to exist or is left in the lurch?
So in the larger or individual scheme of things we do not matter do we?
If some one prospers in all respects well call it hard work, smart work , luck etc. If some one falter call it ill luck, misfortune, incapacity,cruelty of fate etc.

@ the holy lama,

Yes do sometimes feel like a helpless child.

Sukanya said...

I could't find comment option previously.

I wish to repeat the words that Sri. Balachandran uncle said Beautifully visual, haunting & lingering.

anilkurup said...

@ Sukhanya.

Thank you friend for the comments.