A Chat

Radhika , my daughter connected with me on the NET today and had a long chat. She presumably was on an outing from school and was accessing net from a Cafe.She is in twelfth doing her ISC at the "Pallikoodam" run by Mrs Mary Roy,( Arundati Roy's mother). Well that has nothing to do with my accolades or brick bats for Ms Roy ( junior).

The chat slid into the talk of the country , 'Anna Hazare" .And I felt  the excerpts would be some interesting light into an young mind. I did some editing to delete things concerning other matters and home .The rest are posted as it was typed out by us.

(Atcha is Mallayalam for Father).

Atchoooooooooo!!!!

Yes Radhu?

Hw R u?

Im ok , hw abt U?

Im fine too. I just gt over wth my exams. Hv 1 mor left, bt thats a stupid one.

Hw was the exams?

Was fine.. history was vry bad... literature wasn’t gr8 either, the rest were fine... gud ...can say.

Ummm ha ur usual answer!

But Cmon I did study properly

Oh im not denying that monkey

Hmnn, so hw is it there?

Pullin on

Whn r u cmn?

Cant say nw. Did u call Cabbage ( pseudonym fr C)and ur bro?

Nope I wl after this hv to search fr a phn booth. Atcha whts the blog u have and hw do I gt into?

Anilkurup59.blogspot.com or anilkurup musings search in Google

I thnk ha I got it . Ow u wrote on Amma in ur anniversary blog!! Well  I was just wondering, hv u heard abt this man Anna Hazare?and his issue?

Yes I did, my last post was abt that.

Do u support him?

Yes I support the cause.Its long overdue. But wht will com out of the struggle, I’m not quite sure.

Heheheh ...I thnk the man is mad... and  is drvng the country crazy too!!!

Why do u say so?

Bcoz ... initially I do agree thst he was fghtng against corruption!! But nw ..he is just getting too much into the media.and his fast is stupid.!!

He is not . the media is after TRIP ratings. They want to catch money frm viewership.

His demands ...cnt b accepted by any government bcos its stupid .

It is not . it is bcos the govt is hell bend upon supporting the looters and do no want any law to stop that.

Asking the judiciary to be under the Lokpal.not acceptable!!we hv an independent judiciary, and he cannot stop that curb!!

There are certain things in the janalokpal that I would say is impractical or need wider discussion.that dosen’t mean that u should trivialise the whole cause.and demands as stupid . The judiciary will be independent as it is supposed now. Only that the allegations of corruption against judicial officers will be dealt under Lokpal.Radhu, now u need permission  of the thief to investigate a case against the thief..

Atcha, the whole India, those lakhs of people supporting!!Him?? are hypocrites!!every single person

  there is corrupt and they themselves are voicing against corruption. See.. the whole procession.. is based on lies and hypocrisies!!  And on Arundati’s article ouch!!  Thats why Im against him.

Yes we all r corrupt. That is the sad thing abt the country. We support Hazare and his cause and at the same time will bribe an official to get something done fr us. Wht is the alternative ? thnk and tell me .

See thats why , - make truthful and conscientious  people fight... and he will have no hypocrits and supporters at all.stop corruption at all levels. May be corruption will decrease!! But there will always b corruption. Its inevitable . Cant shoo it away forever and clean.

U said that Radhika! Stop corruption at all levels, Can u do that in ur life time? Will U?

I will try.

Try. How great atry?”so..so”,medium, or sincere?

Every one shud do that sincere.

It shud not be a small time promise.May be if u could ur children wl hv abetter life!

Yes certainly.

Yes i thnk I will trust ur words.

Yes

But Imay not be around to see that. Its going to be a long while.

Thats sad atcha, sad thing.. but Ill make sure things will be more peaceful.oh u have written on Arundati’s article.

Yep that was the last one after the post on the anniversary.

Nice, fr the first time she is wth us... our opinion!! He hehe. Anyway.

No on the contrary u r not wth her opinion

No Im nw wth her on this.

Analyse her opinion dnt idolise someone whether Ms Roy or Mahatma Gandhi.

Hmmm..well let me tell u and one of the reason ..why I dnt like Anna ‘s movement...he has a picture of Gandhiji behind him..well terrible.. he cannot compare himself with  Gandhiji. And he used Gandhiji as a tool to get supporters.

If someone has the picture of Christ , Vishnu or Siva with them does that mean that they are comparing themselves wth the gods?

Well atcha everyone is comparing him wth Gandhi and so is he.

Yes he is doing wht Gandhi did- satyagraha fast and all.to taunt the government to take action against him or agree to the demands of the people.

Whn Kiran Bedi said ..that Anna is India .. I felt like he would come to power and rule over India.. and India would become a totalitarian stste. Gandhi and Anna wht a contrast!!

Kiran Bedis statement was an aberration al apse in the heat of excitement. She is different.

Well Gandhiji wasn’t a hypocrite. Atcha this man is ... didn’t u hear him threaten the government?He did hv the RSS link.. yes. ?

I gues yes. In his earlier days.But he has no links now.

Hmmmn..nobody can prove  that!!Anyway it is 11 th day into the fasr. Hw is he surviving?

You know Radhika, this guy called Bobby Sands , in the 1970’s , he was an IRISH Republican Army man in Northern Ireland. He fasted to protest the British policies in Northern Ireland. He died after more than a hundred day into his fast. He died of starvation and anemia. So 11 days is not great , though fr an old man like Anna it will take its toll.

Okay!!!U know Mrs Roy , the Principal. She is sometimes difficult lady. Why?

She never listens .. to others.. any1 against her opinion , she shoos them away!!

Some people r like that. I guess Arundati Roy too has got some of that.

But then she is the only sensible woman in school. But fr her the school would be a concentration camp.!!!

Ha ha!! As ususal u hv a problem wth women teachers .At the Laidlaw too u had the same difficulty.

Hehehe!!Oh atcha .. red the book ..”To Killa Mocking Bird” or seen the movie? Of Harper lee. Its noice the father charcter reminds me of u!!

Yes I did watch the movie who reminds u of me?

Atticus , the father

Idnt remember the character. What abt that and me?

His character, behaviour and the actor who did the role.. so much.. has a resemblance of u.

Behaviour, what did he do ?

OMG forget it atcha.Lol any way there ius this book Sonia Gandhi wrote abt Rajiv. I must read it

Ha u changed the subject.There is no great to read abt them. Honest!

Heheheh, why u so against them?Why?

I’m not against them. There iwas nothing really good or bad abt RajivGandhiOnly that he was stupid.

You mean visavis the tamil tigers?Who is not stupid according to u?every one is!nope Rajiv was affine PM uknowlol!!We’ll hv this debate later.

In all that he did while being PM he showed he was foolish, without ideas and even the Bofors he got stupidly implicated. He was silly.fella!!

OH that u. Im very much fr the Gandhis’cant help it.Oh atcha did u watch the TV show devils advocate?its so interesting!lol

U watched it Karan Thaper’s?

Yes Karn Thapers.

U have tbe well researched and knowledgeable to interview people like Thapar.

I know!! He intwd Aravind Kejerwal and PRasnth Bhushan... was so great.. we cud not study but watch lol  !!

Wht did u feel abt Prasanth Bhushan?

He is part of the tem Anna!!So hmm... nothng much abt him.

Yes but what is ur opinion abt him after watching the programme?Did he make any sense?

Wellwell ... it make me change my views no.

It made u change or not, wht is it abt Prasnath Bhushan?dod u see him honest?

I did see him on the show, he didn’t really say much . It was Aravind Kejerwal doing the talking. Maybe I can research on him and tell u

I see and abt Aravind Kejerwl?

I”M NOT FOR TEAM ANNA.......SO MY VIEWS AREAINST HIM MY DEAR FATHER!!!!got to go now . must call amma too bye atcha luvvuuuuuuuu

Ok da bye lvuuu

August 23,1988

We exchanged exactly one hundred letters each, by post, beginning the first of April 1988.We would not rest in comfort if a day passed by without the postman calling.  Telephone calls were an expensive alternative those days, nevertheless was also unremittingly used. And on July 31.1988 we mutually decided to restrain from writing or phoning any further. We were married on August 23, 1988 in Cochin. The letters are safely kept in (“brown paper packages....tied up with strings, and these are the few of our favourite things”)! I have not read any since, but she did a few times and when she read out, I felt shy of what was written. It was and was not sweet nothingness we exchanged, I can only tell that much.

We happened to spent one night in the same apartment in different rooms almost six years before we actually met .It was 1982 and I was   in Chennai. Those days were soon after I was employed. I was quite drunk after an official dinner and had to spend the night with her brother in her apartment. But knowing that women folk were there I slid out early in the morning as I was a trifle ashamed of the drunken ruckus I and her brother created the night before outside the apartment with a auto rickshaw driver. We later met, first while I was living in Cochin and she came over for a brief vacation to her brothers. The brief acquaintance evoked  mutual fondness, a “may be”, a “can be” feeling. She ensured that she came down to Cochin a few months later for the marriage of one of mine and her brothers’ close friend. She later confided that the trip was not ostensibly for participating in the wedding!

 And strangely indeed I always felt that she would not turn down if I proposed to her and she says she knew I would propose. Stupid cupid I was, that I even announced at home that I intend to marry her, the little sister of two fellows to whom fatefully I was near to. That was even before I proposed to her or gathered the courage to place my intent before her brothers’. But at home among my folks the seemingly ordinary choice was outrageous because she was catholic. An unimaginable ignominy for a clan that has not had to live with such audacity in living memory! It was a pleasant surprise to my friends and many others and took a while to settle.

But soon enough the end was pleasant as the Mills &Boon closing, “they married and walked happily hand in hand into the sun set”. Story ends. Good luck! 

Scene –II

And now musing over back into the years that went by with sighs,agony,ecstasy,torments,helplessness,courage,standoffs,   short lived minor emotional estrangements,contentment, besides tolerance and patience of Christy, we have now reached today the twenty third wedding day! And I guess this is our first anniversary that we are living apart by physical distance(!)

Was there dreams that were shattered? Yes. Hopes ploughed under? Yes. Moments and days of bliss and happiness? Many. It is quite true that the difficulty marriage burdens are because when in love one loves the personality, the facade, but in married life it is the character that looms large. Courtship dances and show-off are meant for avian and not man. I remember taking care in not displaying a contrived colourful personality of chivalrous, impeccable nobility. And as for Christy, she luckily for me has been a genre apart from her kin!

The adage “two bodies and one soul” is rubbish and misleading in every sense. It was two distinct individuals who lived together, two entities with sometimes disparate likings and dislikes. I’m not sure that she loved my tantrums and prankish behaviour or she put up with to begin loving it.

We had absolutely no difficulty in coping with surroundings of different family environs. Towards  her, my immediate kin was as affectionate as our conditioning and lineage was not meant to be different. And as for me, every one amongst Christy’s family understood, is amenable but may not appreciate insolence.

Did the intrusion of religion come in to play any part? Certainly not, even an iota! Christy is of different hue; she was equally at ease in matters of social and religious etiquette. Both of us are comfortable with any religious activity that is not frenzied. Though more than her, I'm a disbeliever who is convinced about the frivolity of believing..She is not a church goer in the conventional sense. She is convinced that God can be accessed not only within the confines of a church/temple or through organized hypocrisy and one can be in communion with  he or she even in one's home and perceive  in the good things around. I might sometimes have to virtually  push her on to the road to St Peters!  She has done more temple visits than one can count. Hilarious of which was her journey to the Guruvayoor temple where she went with a family friend and exclaimed loudly at something that amazed her, “Goodness Christ”. Knowing the bigotry practised there, fortunately no one over heard to create unpleasantness.

However there is one aspect in us both that is unhelpful  for gregarious living. We are not naturally disposed to creating social circles. The result is we both have a limited band of friends. In fact more than any of hers, it is my friends who are her as well.

Today, sitting alone, I can only more than anything be perplexed and  dismayed of  her character that bears no ill towards even the ones who hurt her, have been unkind and deceitful. Something I will never understand even if as the nonagenarian astrologer told my mother that  we are destined to be Man and wife for another six lives.

An Observation-

Observation is an art perfected by artists of different hues. To lesser mortal like me that is a quality farthest from the personal chemistry. The observation that some of my kind has perfected from days when we graduated into trousers was to look agape at the lass that pass by, (Though in my case subtly, I do not believe in offensive gander).And in any case that is not the observation I thought about.

Being away on travel, though was not strange to me, living in a foreign land and in a society which, compared to my origins is culturally like wine and water, is an alien experience. So that in itself gives ample for watching, understanding and inferring. It is only when you pass through a society or live in its midst, which has not had  culture or traditional values that survived and helped the society or a nation to build, that one realises the fortune we Indians for example are bestowed with and enjoy. It can be a value that may be an offshoot of a certain religion or a political system, or just simple nihilist living. But sometimes what that you believe or that is imposed on you in itself – it can be a religion or a political ideology may constrict you, domineering and defile centuries of tradition and refinement.

Look towards Tibet .The culture of Tibetans have been usurped. Centuries old monasteries that were repositories of Tibetan culture were lost forever. The great march of Mao Tse Tung eliminated the great part of Chinese tradition. The Bolsheviks did their gory part in Russia. The wealth of Alexandria, the greatest asset bequeathed to humanity from the Ptolemy of Egypt was finally lost to the marauding Muslim fanatics in the 6 the century BC. Afghanistan and its tribal heritage along with the remnants of a pacifist way of life “Buddhism” vandalised by fanaticism and bigotry only exhibited by one solitary faith in the modern world. The world’s oldest city Damascus and the city of Jerusalem are now hostage to outlandish religious philosophies. American native Indians lost forever priceless wisdom and way of existence of life in harmony with nature they brought down from centuries, to the great thought of the western world, “Democracy”. The examples are many.

I wonder if this will be disputed.

What the West affectionately term as the “Arab uprising” is nonsense. And that cannot spread or happen as they wish. For any social revolt there needs to be an atmosphere that sees people as one. Fortunately for Egypt there must still be centuries old of culture that predated the usurpation by Islam. That was what unified the country and brought forth change. It will not happen in countries and societies that are nomadic for ages and have only an illusion created and cultivated by a man who claimed to be the Providential emissary in the middle of the 6 th century AD, to hold on as succour and hope. Religion cannot unify man- the stark reality was unambiguously shown by the liberation of Bangladesh. And it is again underlined by internecine rivalry and violence in Pakistan, Iraq, Syria and many other parts of the Muslim world. For even what Islam calls the one and only true Providence cannot unite the Shiites and the Sunnis. Ironical, as this is a Frankenstein created by beliefs, faith and unwillingness to think! So what the US and its allies claim as whiff of democracy blowing across the Arab world  are only ember that are kindling out of dormancy, embers of deprivation and domination of one Muslim sect over the other. They cannot meet eye to eye!

Faith has bludgeoned ancient culture in societies in Syria, Iran and Iraq- the old Babylonian haven. If faith has reversed life, constricted human mind, defiled human spirit, it is in the Muslim world. In these societies, fanaticism of faith has emasculated Man and no education will reverse his fate for a few generations to come. I have not seen greater frenzied inflammation in worshiping than here in the Muslim world. To consign it with a dismissive comment such as, “it’s the matter of faith”, is the surest way of ensuring the contagion of intolerance, bigotry and barbaric philosophies, cross the seas and frontiers.

Veritas

          THE BADGE OF THE HARVARD BUSINESS SCHOOL

In 1980 Mark.H.Macomark, a Yale educated lawyer and an agent by profession, a pioneer who transformed professional sports and athletes into money making machines, wrote the book “What they don’t teach you at Harvard Business School”. I bought and read that when it was published and is in my collection. I wished and fulfilled my heart that reading what they do not teach you at Harvard was a lot better than what you learn there. A various feeling of “sour grapes”!

What the Golf legend Arnold Palmer, Tennis aces of the open era ,the host of other professional sports men, the once sagging Wimbledon tournament  and many of such names and concerns that are to do with sports and athletics, saw a revolutionary resurrection in fortunes because of Macomark’s ingenuity.  His company IMG was the first agent for Tiger Woods. And Macomark was not a Business school alumnus.

This old reading came to mind this morning when I was on the Blog reading Oshu’s,"The March of a Proletarian”. The crux of the post was the absence of ethics in life. Well the quality is a premium product and best done away with if success as measured in society is what is to life.

Certainly Business schools are not to be swiped at as they are meaningful too. But it seems to be a common factor found in most high profile Business school products that we know very well and who are now around predating in the Corporate Jungle that the qualities which Mark. H.Macomark outlined in the preamble pages of his book as the Ten Commandments, seem to be an anathema to them. And they are not defiled by the exhortation.

But the moot question that defies an answer after all these years of struggle in business and I still ponder for an answer is, is ethics, morality and principles necessary to be successful in life? Is all successful corporate giants’ repository of these qualities? Will share holders accept ethics and principles in lieu of fat dividends and returns?

No, is the answer. And I watching the movie “The Informant” yesterday night only made it clearer that after all, all that matter in life is success and success is measured with money, the wealth one creates. And success measured with whatever bench mark makes success obligatory. The killer instinct has to be in the body chemistry, else....!

Here are the Ten Commandments of Mark.H.Macomark.  A man who was very successful in business and what he emphasised besides all is street smartness. And that is relative. Isn’t it?

Also, the Ten Commandments laid out here can also be the pivot for a person, be he a lay person or an elite.

1-Never under estimate the importance of money

2-Never overestimate the value of money.

3-You can have too many friends in business.

4-Don’t be afraid to say no.

5-Speak less.

6-Keep your promises, the big ones and the little ones.

7-Every transaction has a life of its own.

8-Comit yourself to quality from day one.

9- Be nice to people.

10-Dont hog the credit.

Just A Another Day!

What I write below are my views and opinions and I express it with the same passion that the opposite will hold, but argumentative .That I can vouch.

In mid February every year some of the weak hearts like me who live or happen to be in Thpuram scamper out of the town for a day. It is a literal run for some peace, quiet. It is the only possible way to retain ones sanity. The commercially and religiously muscle flexing temple in the suburb of the city will host its Guinness book fame pongal festival. A day when the city is rampaged and controlled by the chaste Hindus! The day is literally a day when the quiet resident of Thpuram will lose his bearings. When you cannot lie down and enjoy rape run away from it. This year while I happened to be in the city during that time I was almost at my nadir of sanity and patience after a host of loudspeakers where placed within a few meters from where I lived, ostensibly playing the cacophony of hymns, songs from a temple nearby, which had the same presiding deity as the Guinness book famed temple. It began at 4 in the early morning and blared till after midnight. In fact the temple is a kilometre away and the hardcore worshippers pulled an extended cable to evict all of us from quiet. I ran away to a distant town for a couple of days and until the faithful had got their absolution and peace with the Gods.

The dual ways that are within ones grasp is either to bear it stoically or run away quietly until the din has subsided. This is the case with many matters in today’s societies in India.

I’m warily looking to the 15 of August which is a few days from now when the mobile will be active from dawn. The beep of the text messages bombarding with wishes, reminders, patriotic and jingoistic slogans, prompting and stating the greatness of India will bother the renegades like me. The less patriotic earthlings! The Bolgdom will have ample Posts emphasising ”Mera Bhrath Mahan”. The sane ways to exist is to accept these statements , reciprocate jingoism and to a lesser extent patriotism that erupts every year for one day on the 15 of August, or to switch off the mobile and  not open ones blog that day.

Is it the quirk of fate or the forced delusion that Indians cultivate, I do not know. And we, even after 64 years of the exit of the colonist, run after a mirage –‘Independence’? Yes, we are Free, free that the looters of public wealth go on with their task with blatant impunity. Free, that one fifth of the country has been leased to the Maoist insurgents who have taken up the cause of the hapless and fiercely exploited natives. Free, that the whole of North Eastern states are not reconciled to the union of India. Free, that the simmering discontent and betrayal is dangerous in Jammu and Kashmir. Free, that still we rank about 100 in the world index of development in a scale of 120. Free that we can be oblivious of the fact that sixty percent of women are illiterate and consequently exploited in many ways. Free, that (officially) forty percent of the population is languishing below poverty line. Free, that many parts of central India is harsher socially and economically than the sub Saharan Africa. Free that the perpetrator, an elected person who swore by the constitution but wrecked the most heinous communal frenzy in known history on the Muslims in Gujarat walk all over the country with blatant impudence.

Has anything changed for the better since the last August 15?

Yes this is a myopic, lopsided, cynical view of someone who refuses to see the rockets that we fly beyond the stratosphere, the fledging malls, multi national retail giants and mining companies that have landed in the country, the billions that flow in as foreign direct and institutional investments, the imminent launch of another agricultural revolution aided by multinational corporations like Mosanto ...there is much beyond, I hesitate, I’m not a patriot.

So we have one day, mercifully one day in a year to remember our freedom, independence and the exit of the Empire!

A few days ago I got a few text messages and noticed some general reminders and wishes on “happy friendship day “in my face book wall. My comment on that, which I pasted on the wall ,“Twenty years ago, no one wished me on a certain day and claimed ‘friendship’. If one has to be a friend there need not be a day to remember that. It is silly. Imagine remembering your parents only on a certain day. As funny as that! And people ape, herd instinct it is terribly boring”.

 And that  attracted this comment from a friend, I was aghast. “@anil....it’s just that in this fast life lane that we all live today we just take a day to dedicate our thoughts for those spl people in our lives...children’s day for kids, mother’s day for mom, father’s day for dad...Birthday to make the person feel spl on the day he/she was born,..it’s just an occasion to reciprocate and respect one’s feeling. Valentine’s day does not mean u lv ur lv only on that day but yes these are ways of reassuring your feeling for ur lvd ones...It’s how u look at it. I don’t think you have to ridicule others who believe in it. The sooner you accept change the better its gonna get...what life was 20 yrs back and today is not the same dear. Change is inevitable.” 

Yet another comment came ,"friendship day is for teens.”

So friendship, independence, mother, father, brother, sister, and even one’s life is remembered for one day in a long calendar of 365 days. That is capsule living we have so well aped from the West especially the debt ridden America.

How I wish that I was patriotic and tolerant as the rest! May be I’m misfit! 

A Journey into Fantasy- 1

Things I like to do, I wish to do. But then if wishes were horses and if horses could fly..........!      

When it is vivid that dreams may not befall upon us as truth the wise way forward is to dream itself. And I decided to fantasise some of the wishes that may come true yet, may be not- for to  hope is the way forward. .This is for now a journey into fantasy. The beginning of the journey to places and may be people I wish to see, to be. A one way ticket!

I begin my journey from down south and in my SUV, from the south western coastal town of Thpuram. I journey straight to Munnar and then ensure that I reach the Eravikulam National Park by foot. That was a journey I, Balan and the “evergreen chum” of us undertook a few years ago and spent a few days, the three of us in the grassy wilderness. An unquenchable experience there in that abode of quiet!

I walk the fifteen odd kilo meters from a little hamlet outside Munnar all alone. Slowly, away from human settlements I walk up the gradual gradient into the hills and into  the expanse of green grass and evergreen Sholas- that Eravikulam is. And I will then revel in the solitude that the Sholas and the expanse of grass that stretches tearing through the horizon and the hills; the howling winds, the cold and the lush green swaying grass all round ; with lush dark green shoals spotted in a haphazard beauty only nature can perfect with imperfection; solitary in that hut with trenches around to ward of the Pachyderms and other beasts of the wilderness.As I  tread by the whiff of wind that blow past me take with it the human scent  and the herd of Sambar deer grazing in the valley afar turn their heads in suspect and alert. They watch me move along and dismiss my presence .

 I stay there for days, know not how long. I take bath in the pristine stream that runs nearby -its source from the  springs amongst the expanse of grass that surrounds ;watch the kite hover a few ten feet above me for hours at length as I lay gazing up at the sky.An occasional jackal might sniff by inquisitively, a hare.... The herds of Nilgiri Thar may watch me up close but wary. And I will blissfully fall in trance aided by the berceuse that the minas, the sparrows, the jays, the robins and the thrushes sing in abandon.

At night I sit by the front of the hut and gaze at the clear starry night sky with a glass of the splendid whisky from the Scottish Highlands-“Glenlivet” without defiling it with water or other additives. The moon in its full will have slowly lurked out from behind over the hills and envy at what it may perceive as my nonchalance. Then know not why, she decides to shine on me like an irrepressible damsel. I enjoy and salute her goodwill raising my glass .The sound of cymbals of the forest -trumpeting of the Elephants will be heard not too distant far and the stars up in the sky twinkle in recognition.  A pack of jackals will howl from the stream nearby- perhaps announcing the moon rise or a lingering carnivore, but they will sound like the music of the night. .The leopards or the tiger that may be lurking in the nearby Shoalas will watch the intruder – me with some bother. But they, will soon smell I m no usurper.  The fireflies fly in the dark as sentinels that guard me.  

Then, there I will not hesitate to bow if “death” comes by. Because it is only a lucky few who can die in Paradise.

Little Romance

Looking back it was funny, bit fascinating and a little blushful to recollect the silliness that surrounded the infatuations of the golden teen and early youth. And to now put them into words would look like a long overdue self-confessions of the once juvenile delinquent. The prelate and the confessor are the same. Nope, it is not confession, as there is nothing in this matter that is sinful to seek absolution through confession! I’m trying to live a bit in the past to see how fanciful and fascinating some of the romantic fads were. If one cannot find fanciful, cheering thoughts from those days it will be a wasted la affaire with life- insipid too! They must be seen as the lighter side of experiences that one would be very unlucky to miss out. Not many are unlucky, I guess but as I mentioned many may see it a bit awkward and embarrassing to savour it at a time when one has crossed much of life. It is funny to turn back now and look, really. I mean it. Come on, though it was intense and (serious) affairs of life then!

I’m glad I’m no bard, no poet and or can I be operatic and bring all those into folklore.

I met her again quite by chance many years ago. I was in my home town for a weekend and a car that went past me a distance screeched to a halt. And she opened the door and came out beaming. It was an unexpected meeting, meeting of a kind as I had not had a thought of her for a great while.

 ‘Hello this is a pleasant surprise’, I said my mouth agape. ‘Were you following me or is it that I went the way you would travel’, I asked rather mischievously not waiting for her to reply.

She smiled and we shook hands. She had put on a bit of extra pound and the “Zeenie baby” (Zeenath Amman) looks and appearances that attracted quite a few eyes towards her was vanishing.

She laughed and said. 'Take it any which way you want’.

I was a bit wordless for a brief while, did not know how to move on the conversation and neither did she. A few seconds that resembled ages went by. And then I gathered to ask, ‘are you on vacation here from Hyderabad?’

 She told me that was so.

“Well what about the boss?” I asked and honestly wishing he was not there in the car.

She said with a squint and a slight smile, perhaps reading my thoughts, “He has not come down; he stayed back in Hyderabad on some business”.

‘So what is up with you? Continuing to enjoy life as a loner, don’t you have any plans to have a back pack to tag you on?’ She enquired with a naughty smile. I told her that it was the back pack I was worried about all the while so I decided to let it be so for a while long until I can fool someone.

‘Don’t you go down to Hyderabad for your work?’ she inquired.

 ‘Yes I do, but rarely, have been there a few times just for a day or so and would journey back as soon as I got done with the work’.

‘You could have got in touch. Oh yes I see perhaps you was bored with all that long ago uh?’ She may have meant that as an accusation of sort.

“Hey, are you accusing me? How would I know where in that city you live?” I pleaded helplessness.

‘Come on man if you wanted you could- get the address from my dad.’ She shot back.

 ‘By the way, how are they your brothers and parents?’ I asked as I wanted to divert from the subject.

Incidentally they were from Sind who migrated long ago to Th'puram. She let out a sigh and said. ‘Ill luck seems to be journeying with us. D, died last year, the same end as you also feared and told me once, “He crashed head on, on his motorbike.”

It was some years earlier to that she lost her sister who was a few years older. C was allegedly murdered by her husband’s family. It was a case of bride burning, dowry death if one can call it. The matter was closed as self-immolation- suicide.

This boy D was a freakish speedster on two wheels and a brat, spoiled at that. Though I knew him as her brother, he got to know me from an incident where I played the “Good Samaritan”, when he got fairly bruised in a scooter accident right in my view some years ago while I was in college.

 Two little faces extended out of the car window. Hey I said moving a step towards the car, ‘what is it you have here’ ,I exclaimed and  patted the little faces and peeped in to see a third one- a cute little cuddle spread-eagled in the rear seat.

‘Yea my kids’, she said.

 ‘My goodness, hey this is a fast scoring rate’. I cried out loudly pulling my head out and facing her.

‘Yes man, what can I do, my husband wanted it so’. She confessed her helplessness.

“Yes back pack indeed, as I can see”, I thought.

That was the last time I saw her and it is now about twenty five years.