Monday, August 22, 2011

August 23,1988


We exchanged exactly one hundred letters each, by post, beginning the first of April 1988.We would not rest in comfort if a day passed by without the postman calling.  Telephone calls were an expensive alternative those days, nevertheless was also unremittingly used. And on July 31.1988 we mutually decided to restrain from writing or phoning any further. We were married on August 23, 1988 in Cochin. The letters are safely kept in (“brown paper packages....tied up with strings, and these are the few of our favourite things”)! I have not read any since, but she did a few times and when she read out, I felt shy of what was written. It was and was not sweet nothingness we exchanged, I can only tell that much.


We happened to spent one night in the same apartment in different rooms almost six years before we actually met .It was 1982 and I was   in Chennai. Those days were soon after I was employed. I was quite drunk after an official dinner and had to spend the night with her brother in her apartment. But knowing that women folk were there I slid out early in the morning as I was a trifle ashamed of the drunken ruckus I and her brother created the night before outside the apartment with a auto rickshaw driver. We later met, first while I was living in Cochin and she came over for a brief vacation to her brothers. The brief acquaintance evoked  mutual fondness, a “may be”, a “can be” feeling. She ensured that she came down to Cochin a few months later for the marriage of one of mine and her brothers’ close friend. She later confided that the trip was not ostensibly for participating in the wedding!

 And strangely indeed I always felt that she would not turn down if I proposed to her and she says she knew I would propose. Stupid cupid I was, that I even announced at home that I intend to marry her, the little sister of two fellows to whom fatefully I was near to. That was even before I proposed to her or gathered the courage to place my intent before her brothers’. But at home among my folks the seemingly ordinary choice was outrageous because she was catholic. An unimaginable ignominy for a clan that has not had to live with such audacity in living memory! It was a pleasant surprise to my friends and many others and took a while to settle.

But soon enough the end was pleasant as the Mills &Boon closing, “they married and walked happily hand in hand into the sun set”. Story ends. Good luck! 

Scene –II

And now musing over back into the years that went by with sighs,agony,ecstasy,torments,helplessness,courage,standoffs,   short lived minor emotional estrangements,contentment, besides tolerance and patience of Christy, we have now reached today the twenty third wedding day! And I guess this is our first anniversary that we are living apart by physical distance(!)

Was there dreams that were shattered? Yes. Hopes ploughed under? Yes. Moments and days of bliss and happiness? Many. It is quite true that the difficulty marriage burdens are because when in love one loves the personality, the facade, but in married life it is the character that looms large. Courtship dances and show-off are meant for avian and not man. I remember taking care in not displaying a contrived colourful personality of chivalrous, impeccable nobility. And as for Christy, she luckily for me has been a genre apart from her kin!

The adage “two bodies and one soul” is rubbish and misleading in every sense. It was two distinct individuals who lived together, two entities with sometimes disparate likings and dislikes. I’m not sure that she loved my tantrums and prankish behaviour or she put up with to begin loving it.

We had absolutely no difficulty in coping with surroundings of different family environs. Towards  her, my immediate kin was as affectionate as our conditioning and lineage was not meant to be different. And as for me, every one amongst Christy’s family understood, is amenable but may not appreciate insolence.

Did the intrusion of religion come in to play any part? Certainly not, even an iota! Christy is of different hue; she was equally at ease in matters of social and religious etiquette. Both of us are comfortable with any religious activity that is not frenzied. Though more than her, I'm a disbeliever who is convinced about the frivolity of believing..She is not a church goer in the conventional sense. She is convinced that God can be accessed not only within the confines of a church/temple or through organized hypocrisy and one can be in communion with  he or she even in one's home and perceive  in the good things around. I might sometimes have to virtually  push her on to the road to St Peters!  She has done more temple visits than one can count. Hilarious of which was her journey to the Guruvayoor temple where she went with a family friend and exclaimed loudly at something that amazed her, “Goodness Christ”. Knowing the bigotry practised there, fortunately no one over heard to create unpleasantness.

However there is one aspect in us both that is unhelpful  for gregarious living. We are not naturally disposed to creating social circles. The result is we both have a limited band of friends. In fact more than any of hers, it is my friends who are her as well.

Today, sitting alone, I can only more than anything be perplexed and  dismayed of  her character that bears no ill towards even the ones who hurt her, have been unkind and deceitful. Something I will never understand even if as the nonagenarian astrologer told my mother that  we are destined to be Man and wife for another six lives.




21 comments:

NRIGirl said...

Wow! Congratulations to both of you on your wedding anniversary and wishing you many more happy returns!

NRIGirl said...

That's a lovely picture by the way! Thank you for sharing...

Mélange said...

That's truly a 'reasonable' match,obviously 'lucky' you are !

I particularly loved this post since it had words woven with passion and love,yet a sense of 'reality' and truth as a backdrop.

God bless both of you and family !

Insignia said...

Wishing you many more years of joy and togetherness.

As Melange said, your words reflected love and affection but with a sense of reality.

I absolutely dont believe in "two body one soul". Its not possible; each one is a unique individual living together; with consideration and respect for each; adjusting with the differences and compromising.

Balachandran V said...

23 years, whew!! Congratulations!!

You look like a Chettiar! Where the hell did you take this photo? Hope to see you two like this for your Shashtybda purthi or something like that.
Those atrocious chairs! Your matching pinky pinky dress!! :-D

anilkurup said...

@ NRIGirl,
thank you.

@ Melange,

I appreciate your comment, and understanding. Thanks.

@ Insignia

I appreciate your comment, and understanding. Thanks.

@ balan,

I wanted to edit the glimpse of the "atrocious" chairs. They are in Beena's house.

And as for the Pinkish contrast, well a bit of Tamil taste.

bliss said...

hi i loved the post and love the guy also so happy anniversary

Arun Meethale Chirakkal said...

Wow! Love, that's pure bliss, isn't it? Do you remember Florentino Ariza wonders why no one else's heart flutters the way his did when Fermino Daza is around in Love in the Time of Cholera? :) Happy wedding anniversary , may both of you live long enough to see a 1000 full moons!

anilkurup said...

@ Arun Meethale Chirakal

But Fermino Daza saw his ( Florentino's) love only in their old age. After she was disillusioned with Urbino's love whom she married . right?

Mercifully it is not so the case here.

And one thousand full moons? Arun the problem with longevity is two. One if we both see all the remaining full moons sprite and healthy and not lying in bed well may be ok. But the greater problem is longer one lives more are the chances of having to see things that one would not want even in a night mares.

Thank you for the wishes . I accept and I appreciate.

anilkurup said...

@ Bliss,

Thank you.

I found no postings on your Blog?

manju said...

Congratulations, Anil! Nice post!

....Petty Witter said...

What a handsome couple. Many congratulations to the both of you and here's to many more years yet to come.

anilkurup said...

@ Manju,

Thanks . Wonder why is it that many like you are not active in Blogging.


@ Petty Witter

Thanks

Kunnu said...

This is such a adorable post..
Wish you all the good luck and happy times together...

Kunal

Paul Mani said...

wow.................many more to come..................all the best wishes

kavita said...

What a beautiful couple ! You do look made for each other .I was going AWWWWWWW after each line of your post.Laughed out loud at Holy Christ.May God bless your family with all the happiness of world ,good health and over all prosperity.Remembered the line i read somewhere-
The thing that counts most in the pursuit of happiness is choosing the right companion.

I almost forgot to wish you
A Very Happy 23rd Anniversary .My regards to both of you .

anilkurup said...

@ Kunnu,

Thank you . I appreciate your comment.

! Paul Mani,
Dey again mani kunju!!

Thanks paul.

@ Kavita,

Thank you very much. The appreciation and all. Nice to know there was some wit in the post.

anilkurup said...

@ Kunnu,

Thank you . I appreciate your comment.

! Paul Mani,
Dey again mani kunju!!

Thanks paul.

@ Kavita,

Thank you very much. The appreciation and all. Nice to know there was some wit in the post.

adithyasaravana said...

sorry for being late.. work pressures kept me away..
congratulations anil..

/admire her character that bears no ill towards even the ones who hurt, have been unkind and deceitful./

we happen to see very rarely such people.. You are lucky..ayyo.. tamil taste..Grrr..
LOL..:)

anilkurup said...

@ Adhitya Saravanan,

Thanks for coming in and posting your comment. Ayyo ,is indeed a mallu taste too the colors as well. Ha

manju said...

Wonder why is it that many like you are not active in Blogging.

I haven't stopped. Need a break. Work, study, parenthood, blogs, forums, social networks ... too much of multi-tasking.